SparkNotes

The Anti-Fun Brigade is coming, and they want your gibberish.

In Boston, a high school principal has threatened students with suspension if they say a certain word, a shocking word, a word so dangerous that we are not sure we can even permit it to escape the pristine pucker of our youthful lips!

But here at SparkNotes, we believe in FREEDOM, so we're going to sack up and say it. The word is...

(looks around nervously...)

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, we're about to hit the prime time of year for long, looong-distance family travel-thons. And whether your family's Turkey Day destination is across the country or just (heh heh) over the river and through the woods, chances are that next week will find you in the inescapable company of your family for at least the duration of a traffic-jammed car ride.

We know what you're thinking: Blast it all, SparkNotes, why'd you have to bring this up? Don't you know that Thanksgiving holiday travel is my personal hell?!

If you're a human, you're probably familiar with what we at SparkNotes like to call the Library Oh-Crap—so called because of that unfortunate experience wherein you notice an unfamiliar book on your shelf, open it up, and discover that the binding is stamped in five places with the words, “Property of [Your Town] Public Library”... and inside, waving like a tiny flag of shame, is a sign-out slip dated sometime in 2007, at which point you close the book and say, “Oh, crap!”

But if you've ever found yourself wracked with guilt over a library book that's a year or two overdue, we're happy to tell you that it could always be worse. You could be this person.

You guys always leave great comments, and last week was no exception. Coffinmaker wrote: “Good advice, Auntie Sparknotes, but now I'm curious about YOUR internet history.”

Well, that's a kind of personal question...but okay, I'll bite. I am opening my browser, I am clicking on history, and I am pleased to inform you that my last google search was for...

winston churchill darth vader

It's probably best not to ask why.

And now, this week's letter:

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
I was doing some homework on my dad's computer. I accidentally exited out of one of the browsers so I went into the history of the Internet to reopen it. In the history, I saw that there was a Google search for "site for cheaters." He had also been to a certain website. I researched it and it is a site that specifically caters to adulterers. My parents are still married. It doesn't seem like my dad goes on "business trips" or always "comes home late from work" as you would expect a cheater to do but I don't see what he does at the computer every night or even at work. I have no idea what to do. Should I tell my older sister? Should I confront my dad or tell my mom? I wish I could forget I ever saw it, but that seems impossible. Please help!
Sincerely,
The Girl with the (Cheating?) Dad

I know how upsetting this must be, but before you work yourself into a state, let's talk a little bit about the nature of internet searches. See, one of greatest things about the internet is that no matter what random question has popped into your head, you can google it.

Yesterday, we posted about a girl whose senior photo was banned from her high school yearbook because she had chosen to pose in—gasp!—a tuxedo. And your comments on that post confirm what we suspected: anti-gender-bending dress code rules are ridiculous.

Today, various media outlets have been spouting off about an incident at New York City's Dalton School. Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy visited the campus and gave a speech. Naturally, the school paper wanted to publish an article about the event—but Justice Kennedy insisted on approving the article before it was published. According to the New York Times, the justice's office reviewed the article and then sent it back to Dalton with minor edits, including quotes from Kennedy that had been altered “to better reflect the meaning the justice had intended to convey.”

Which may or may not be code for, “to get rid of that slightly-off-topic bit where the justice talked for ten straight minutes about how much he loves Twinkies.”