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Posts by brandon specktor

100 Ways to Kiss

By Brandon SpecktorApril 23, 2014
Kissing someone for the first time is always scary. What if you kiss boring? What if your breath smells? What if the person you’re kissing is actually just a tower of French bulldogs in a human costume? Embarrassment almost surely awaits. The good news is that ... More  →
100 Ways to Kiss

Terrible First Drafts of the World's Most Famous Poems

By Brandon SpecktorApril 21, 2014
Poetry can be hard to read and to write, but the payoff is great. For the reader, a bounty of beauty and unique insight into the wide, untamed world around, above, and within us; for the writer, almost-certain wealth and fame, secret poet zeppelin parties, ... More  →
Terrible First Drafts of the World's Most Famous Poems

SparkLabs: Our Number One Fixation

By Brandon SpecktorApril 9, 2014
Welcome to SparkLabs, where we probe the collective consciousness of the Sparkpopulace for insights into the zeitgeist and what socks are cool this year (FIE, WE MISSED TUBE SOCKS BY A DECADE). The first SparkLab looks into your bathroomal experiences. Answer the poll below (we'll ... More  →
SparkLabs: Our Number One Fixation

12 Canadian Things That Totally Make Up for Rob Ford and Justin Bieber

By Brandon SpecktorMarch 13, 2014
If you’re wondering why Justin Bieber and Rob Ford have been in the news so much this year, it’s because America is facing a record clown shortage, and we’ve resorted to foreign imports. Every week with these guys! Drunken stupors. Criminal charges. Poutine breath. Will the ... More  →
12 Canadian Things That Totally Make Up for Rob Ford and Justin Bieber

How to Get Over a College Rejection

By Brandon SpecktorMarch 10, 2014
Being rejected by a university feels a lot like being dumped, except your ex is the size of a small village, smells like Panda Express, and asked you to pick up a $30,000 tab on the first date. He’s a rude dude. But the hurt ... More  →
How to Get Over a College Rejection

Artistic Advice from The Cutest/Most Disturbing Webcomic Ever

By Brandon SpecktorFebruary 26, 2014
If you’ve never seen a sloth hugging a manatee, you, friend, have not read Cuddles and Rage. C&R is a webcomic for people who want to see the “twee” put back in, “Say! There seems to be a hatchet buried between that adorable peanut’s eyes!” Husband-and-wife duo More  →
Artistic Advice from the Cutest/Most Disturbing Webcomic Ever

Why Does V Day Have to Be All Pink? An Argument for Yellow.

By Brandon SpecktorFebruary 14, 2014
Gather 'round for story time, Sparklers. In second grade, my favorite Mighty Morphin’ Power Ranger was Kimberly, the pink ranger. I liked her because she was the only one who seemed to have a personality when everyone’s faces were obscured by identical masks, plus she used ... More  →
Why Does V Day Have to Be All Pink? An Argument for Yellow.

How to Write the Great American Novel

By Brandon SpecktorJanuary 27, 2014
The most important rule in writing is, “write something that you’d want to read.” The second most important rule of writing is, “throw your phone into an erupting volcano and WRITE.” Every great writer from James Joyce to E.L. James followed these simple storytelling commandments before they ... More  →
How to Write the Great American Novel

11 Awful Harry Potter Knock-Knock Jokes

By Brandon SpecktorJanuary 14, 2014
Hogwarts has no shortage of ornate, cabbage-sized door knockers, but you hardly ever see anyone using them. Perhaps the simple gesture of knocking went out of fashion when kooky ghost portraits replaced the castle's security system, or when the lock-breaking charm became core curriculum (and they wonder ... More  →
11 Awful Harry Potter Knock-Knock Jokes