If you think the Sorting Hat is fallible, just wait until you meet his commoner relative, whose chosen path in life involves giving questionable—but occasionally spot on—love advice.Click on to have your love fortune read by a slouchy old hat that never even got its N.E. More →
Did you know that if you say "Boo Radley" five times in front of a mirror, a shut-in gets acquitted of murder?
Close readers of To Kill a Mockingbird are no doubt familiar with this and countless other handy household tricks buried in the book's subtext, ... More →
Things in the middle are the best—just ask the Golden Mean, or toasted marshmallows, or Nebraska! Being a middle child, however, can be average.
Get it? Average? If you are a middle child, you probably got that joke right away, because Middles know how to see ... More →
((For best results read this in the loin-melting voice of Gregory Peck))
Students. Parents. Faculty. It is an honor and a mystery that you would have me, a fictional Depression-era attorney, address you today on your journey into higher education and the modern workforce.
I am old—so ... More →
For those just joining us, we're running a new Q&A series about the most important thing in the world besides Sorting Hat personality quizzes. Yes! It’s kissing.
Last time we talked about overcoming NBK nervousness, and defeating the Kraken. (<--not a metaphor.) This week, we’re going ... More →
What is a kiss?
How do I get one?
Do they hurt?
These are but a few of the many frequently asked questions frequently asked about kissing (the answers, by the way, are “mouth hugs,” “pretend to choke,” and “less than bees.”)
Many people are confused and nervous about ... More →
With finals complete and days before winter break, life has slowed down at Hogwarts. Students with no more coursework occupy their minds with end-of-year pranks and holiday nookie. Enchanted snowball fights are rampant, and awesome. And, dreading a lonely Christmas (or another New Year’s kiss ... More →
On the surface, kisses are priceless tokens of love, like a bitcoin for your tongue. But even bitcoins have “value” (determined hourly by the fedora-wearing robo-stewards of The Invisible Bank) and so, too, do kisses.
If you have completed one of the 100 Spark-Approved Kisses, but ... More →
One sentence can make or break an entire story, even before it’s written. Stephen King admits that the opening line to his beloved Dark Tower series—“The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.”—is the single best line he ever wrote, just ... More →
Check all that apply, chaps.
You insist on calling President Obama “Right Honourable Man-Queen of The Colonies.”
Also, you insist on calling the U.S. Congress “Fat Parliament.”
You insist on spelling with an “ou,” even in wourds where it is improuper.
From least to greatest, you find these things ... More →
For 22 years, Brandon was a fat kid living in Tucson, AZ, which gave him lots and lots of time to write. He now works at a magazine in New York City, but still loves writing almost as much as he loves muffins.