((For best results read this in the loin-melting voice of Gregory Peck))
Students. Parents. Faculty. It is an honor and a mystery that you would have me, a fictional Depression-era attorney, address you today on your journey into higher education and the modern workforce.
I am old—so ... More →
For those just joining us, we're running a new Q&A series about the most important thing in the world besides Sorting Hat personality quizzes. Yes! It’s kissing.
Last time we talked about overcoming NBK nervousness, and defeating the Kraken. (<--not a metaphor.) This week, we’re going ... More →
What is a kiss?
How do I get one?
Do they hurt?
These are but a few of the many frequently asked questions frequently asked about kissing (the answers, by the way, are “mouth hugs,” “pretend to choke,” and “less than bees.”)
Many people are confused and nervous about ... More →
With finals complete and days before winter break, life has slowed down at Hogwarts. Students with no more coursework occupy their minds with end-of-year pranks and holiday nookie. Enchanted snowball fights are rampant, and awesome. And, dreading a lonely Christmas (or another New Year’s kiss ... More →
On the surface, kisses are priceless tokens of love, like a bitcoin for your tongue. But even bitcoins have “value” (determined hourly by the fedora-wearing robo-stewards of The Invisible Bank) and so, too, do kisses.
If you have completed one of the 100 Spark-Approved Kisses, but ... More →
One sentence can make or break an entire story, even before it’s written. Stephen King admits that the opening line to his beloved Dark Tower series—“The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.”—is the single best line he ever wrote, just ... More →
Check all that apply, chaps.
You insist on calling President Obama “Right Honourable Man-Queen of The Colonies.”
Also, you insist on calling the U.S. Congress “Fat Parliament.”
You insist on spelling with an “ou,” even in wourds where it is improuper.
From least to greatest, you find these things ... More →
Hey, Bookworms and Bookerpillars, it’s Teen Reading Week! What better time to dig into the story you love analyzing most of all: your own. Is the story of your life a super-sexy paranormal romance, or a regular-sexy classroom dramedy? Are you destined to swing for ... More →
This summer, I took a five-hour flight that offered free movies. The headphone jack in my seat was broken, so I watched Divergent from start to finish with no sound. I have not read the series. This is what I saw…
[Note: Please refer to a ... More →
The works of people like Hans Christian Anderson were originally designed to act as warning fables for children (e.g., don't climb into an oven unless you're positive there is figgy pudding in there; you will regret getting your hair cut; apples are LAAAME). But a lot of the More →
For 22 years, Brandon was a fat kid living in Tucson, AZ, which gave him lots and lots of time to write. He now works at a magazine in New York City, but still loves writing almost as much as he loves muffins.