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Posts by andrew joanis

Other Terrible Presents From the Wizard of Oz

By andrew joanisApril 2, 2015
Given how beloved The Wizard of Oz is, it's safe to assume that everyone has forgotten what a TOTAL PHONEY the wizard is with his giant gift box of white elephant junk. Imagine spending Christmas with this guy: "Oh, a gold tchotchke shaped like a heart, made out of cheap pla More  →
Other Terrible Presents From the Wizard of Oz

How to Flirt on a Horse

By andrew joanisMarch 27, 2015
If you think toting about a cute puppy is a good way to pick up, JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU TRY LUGGING AROUND A HORSE :D You will, however, need to refine your skills if you are going to parlay a game of polo into a coupling—they don't call it horsemanship for nothing...FOLLOW O More  →
How to Flirt on a Horse

The Secret Struggles of Leprechauns

By andrew joanisMarch 17, 2015
You might think leprechauns have it easy—they spend their lives squirreling away their riches (HELLO, COLLEGE FUND) and don't have to worry about what to wear every day—but in fact they are residents of Struggle City, just like the rest of us. This St. Paddy's day, as More  →
The Secret Struggles of Leprechauns
Lesser-Known Traits of the Chinese Zodiac

Lesser-Known Traits of the Chinese Zodiac

By andrew joanisFebruary 19, 2015
Those born in the year of the tiger are famed for their strong defenses and love of adventure, but DID YOU KNOW that tigers are also renowned for their inability to climb into hammocks? WE SEE YOU, CHILDREN OF 1998. Today, we pull back the curtain on the lesser-known (but w More  →

Valentines Throughout the Ages

By andrew joanisFebruary 13, 2015
Think you have it hard this Valentine's Day? Try hauling a bigass boulder up a hill, only to be turned down by the only lady without a beard in the nabe.History has your back with these tales of Valentine's woe throughout the ages! More  →
Valentines Throughout the Ages

Rookie Valentine's Mistakes

By andrew joanisFebruary 13, 2015
MAY YOU STAND ON THE SHOULDERS OF OUR FAILURES THIS VALENTINE'S DAY, AND TRIUMPH ON BEHALF OF MANKIND. More  →
Rookie Valentine's Mistakes

You Haven't Been Truly Hit On Until You've Read These Valentine's Cards By Literary Heroes

By andrew joanisFebruary 5, 2015
THEY DON'T WRITE VALENTINES LIKE THEY USED TO.This year, you'll be lucky if you get a "hey... wanna?" on a precut heart.But these dudes from literature of yore knew how to get their iambic pentameter ON and make you feel special... More  →
You Haven't Been Truly Hit On Until You've Read These Valentine's Cards By Literary Heroes

Valentines from Mythical Creatures

By andrew joanisFebruary 2, 2015
What lives in a lake, is rarely seen, and has seen men turn mad chasing down a myth? THE PERFECT VALENTINE'S DAY DATE.We're not saying that there is no such thing as a perfect Valentine's date; we're just saying you could spend your entire life waiting in your dinghy to fi More  →
Valentines from Mythical Creatures

Alternatives to the "Glitter Bomb": 7 Awesomely Bad Things to Send To Your Worst Enemies

By andrew joanisJanuary 23, 2015
SendYourEnemiesGlitter.com provides a vital service to the world: for a small fee, it will send a "glitter bomb" to your enemies, exploding their Thursday in a hailstorm of whimsy and jazz-hands.While glitter remains king of annoying craft products, we have some even MORE n More  →
Alternatives to the "Glitter Bomb": 7 Awesomely Bad Things to Send To Your Worst Enemies

The Best Forgotten Winter Sports

By andrew joanisJanuary 6, 2015
Forget about boring old sports like ice skating and skiing, these often overlooked winter sports are all guts and no glory. More  →
The Best Forgotten Winter Sports