Lords and Ladies of the Court!

For the past two weeks, the SparkNotes computer engineers have been working dilligently to develop the biggest Internet breakthrough on earth. We have finally completed our research!

Using a complicated system of ropes and ponies, we have succeeded in creating the holy grail of natural science: a simple test to determine, with 100% accuracy, if someone is a dirty wench. See, in Shakespeare's time, people beat around the bush with fancy words. But we'll be more direct. Chances are you're at least 10% wanton hussy.

With SparkNotes' patented Wenchalyzer™ technology, we can tell you what everyone else has been saying about you for years.