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Blogging Eclipse: Part 2

By:Dan_Bergstein

Dan's Twilight posts are collected on a handy-dandy index page.

Chapter Two: Evasion
Better Title: Edward Cullen's Guide to Controlling Your Woman

This is a joke, right? Edward must be kidding around. He's not honestly acting like an abusive boyfriend, is he? Chapter Three better begin with:

Edward screamed, "Gotcha! I was just messing around. Want to go to a movie? Or should we just hang out here and I'll breathe directly into your nose so you can smell my amazing mouth odor?"

I'm getting ahead of myself, but by chapter's end, if any young woman still thinks Edward Cullen is the bee's knees, then I feel very sorry for that young woman. It's shocking how awfully Edward treats Bella. And Bella's reaction is just as horrible. These two idiots deserve each other, and I'm glad that Jacob didn't end up with Bella. Besides, Jacob Black needs no woman. The earth is his mistress. The sky is his bride. He is…Mr. Black [cue thunderclap] (I could write Jacob intros all day!)

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Categories: Books

Twilight Spoofs and the Shame of Joe Jonas: Taylor Swift on SNL

By:kat_rosenfield

Over the weekend, teen country sensation (and recent Kanye West abusee) Taylor Swift pulled double-duty as the host and musical guest for Saturday Night Live. And while we haven't quite forgiven her for yet another performance of “You Belong With Me” (the song has been stuck in our head since sometime in August, and we've just about had it), she totally made up for it with her great comic timing, enthusiasm, and moments of awesomeness like:

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Categories: Life

Twilight Tie-Ins That Make Sense

By:kat_rosenfield

There are just a few weeks left until the premier of New Moon, and all over the country, advertising executives are sitting in offices, racking their brains over the whole “Twilight” phenomenon.

Ad Exec #1: Hey, I hear that kids these days are really into sparkly vampires.
Ad Exec #2: Sparkly what? Albert, are you drunk again?
Ad Exec #1: No, I'm dead serious! Sparkly vampires, Bob! Apparently the entire thing is just an extended metaphor for teen abstinence, but they freakin' love it.
Ad Exec #2: Really? Let's look it up on the Google.
(pause)
Ad Exec #2: Sweet peacocks! You're right! We'd better take this love of sparkly vampires and create an ad campaign around it, immediately!
Ad Exec #1: Yes! YES! But... for what product?
Ad Exec #2: All of them, Albert. ALL OF THEM.

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Categories: Life

Premiere Protocol: What to Do at the Opening of New Moon

By:Chelsea_Dagger

Sparklers, prepare yourselves: November 20th is The Day of Reckoning. On this otherwise quiet Friday, New Moon, the latest installment of the Twilight saga, will explode into theaters with a blaze of scowls, whininess, and uber-intense face-touching. Since this will almost certainly be the most important day of your entire life, we’ve put together a list of things to do when you attend the movie’s opening:

1. Buy tickets to the midnight showing, which is sure to be packed with die-hard fans, and dress up as Harry Potter.

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Categories: Life

How to Be Friends with an Obsessed Fan

By:Dan_Bergstein

We live in an age of fandom. People cling to their favorite things to the point where they become an obsession. As you read this very sentence, the Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Yankees are battling it out in the World Series, and crazed fans from each team are rooting them on like lunatics. (Hours prior to the final National League playoff game, the city of Philadelphia greased the city's lampposts to prevent festive fans from climbing them.)

You probably know plenty of sci fi fanatics, and a few passionate Mac users. We don't need to tell you about the wild Twilight fans who have already bought tickets for the premiere of New Moon next month. And everyone probably knows a Harry Potter or Star Wars geek. But when your friend is a fan, and you are not, it can strain the relationship. We have a few tips to help you deal with your favorite fanboy or fangirl.

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Categories: Life

Keep That Outburst In!

By:Rupinder_Gill

Kanye at the VMAs, Serena on the court, Representatives in Congress: 2009 is officially the year of the outburst! If you're considering a meltdown of your own, be careful. There are some situations where you should avoid an outburst at all costs:

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Categories: Advice

50 Things More Frightening Than Vampires

By:Dan_Bergstein

Stores are already pushing Christmas merchandise. That can mean only one thing: Halloween season is here! Yes, we know it's still September, but the smell of candy corn in the air has us all excited. We have creepy crawly posts in the works for October, but we just can't wait any longer to kick things off. Let's begin with our list of fifty things that are scarier than vampires!

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Categories: Life

5 Good Reasons to Listen to Classical Music

By:Matt_Hunziker

Unless you play in your school’s orchestra or listen to public radio, chances are you think of classical music as the quiet, tasteful background noise heard in movies, upscale department stores, and scenes in movies that take place in upscale department stores.

It can be hard to jump into classical music if you weren’t raised on it. But all you need to get started is an internet connection and these five great reasons to get obsessed with Bach and Beethoven.

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Categories: Music

Why Earth Is Getting Nerdier (and Why That's a Great Thing)

By:Matt_Hunziker

Twenty years ago, “nerd” was the kind of word that caused students to declare war on each other or start stealing lunch money. Now there are whole groups of people who proudly call themselves nerds. On the first day of school, there were probably at least one or two people in your class who introduced themselves by excitedly talking about what huge nerds they are.

Why has it become so cool to be a huge nerd?

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Categories: Life

Awesome Fall Movies on the Way

By:Joe_Lynch

Now that fall is here and summer blockbusters are over, conventional wisdom has it that we'll see smarter, better movies in theaters. Do this fall’s movies look like they’re all that? We preview some of the more promising flicks coming up and investigate what kinds of awesomeness they may have to offer.

"Jennifer’s Body," opening September 18

Famous people involved
This movie stars pin-up girl of the year Megan Fox as well as Amanda Seyfried (the main girl in "Mamma Mia!" and the dumb girl in "Mean Girls"). Seth from "The O.C." is in it, too. Not to mention this is the first movie Diablo Cody has written since "Juno."

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Categories: Guides

Executive Editors

John Crowther

Emma Chastain

Editors

Andrew Sylvester

Web Community Editor

Emily Winter

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