Sparkler iluvefacetouching recently wrote a post about sketchy Christmas music. But iluvfacetouching reminds us that holiday tunes aren't the only ones that can get a little...raunch-ified. —SparkNotes editors

You’re in your car, playing with the radio, and that one song comes on. Though you try to fight it, you can’t stop from blasting the volume and singing its naughty lyrics at the top of your lungs. Here's my list of inappropriate guilty pleasures:

"My Humps" by The Black Eyed Peas

After reading this very funny post, we think Sparkler dance4life51 should rename herself write4life51. Just a suggestion! —SparkNotes editors

We've all had terrible Christmas cookies from cookie exchanges with friends, relatives, neighbors, whoever. Here are some cookies I always avoid:

Peppermint balls
These come in the form of Pepto-Bismol pink, round, one-inch balls. They are to be avoided at all costs. Because of their strange shape, they are generally burnt to a crisp on the bottom, and still doughy on the inside. Auntie Pat, (you know, the one they just released from the asylum) probably thought that two teaspoons of peppermint extract is not enough, and decided the whole bottle would be a worthy substitute.

This is one of our favorite ideas for a Christmas post this year! Awesome job, iluvfacetouching! —SparkNotes editors

Christmas songs have been playing since, hmm, October. And you have been singing along (admit it!). But, alas, underneath all of that Christmas cheer is dark, dangerous moral decay. Here are some Christmas songs that are more naughty than nice:

“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” (Jackson 5 version)
This song involves a secret love affair between two married people. Still, it could almost be romantic, if it weren’t about your mom and Santa. [UPDATE: Misery_Business, you're totally right!!!!!]

Sparklers have written about literary characters they'd love to meet, but a recent rash of posts about fictitious male crushes prompted wildegirl55 to add this post literary characters she'd love to date. Several Sparklers have commented that they'd like to read a post about the female fictional characters all you Manklers find fetching. Whaddya say, fellas? —SparkNotes editors

They aren't real. They'll never exist. No matter how much you pray to the Literary God (don't tell me that I'm the only one with a shrine!), you know that the object of your heart's desire will never hear the love poems and songs of praise that you've composed for him.

Then why do we keep falling for fictional men?

Oh, don't deny it! You've thought of helping Mr. Darcy out of those oh-so-tight breeches, haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU? We can't help it if those men on paper outdo the increasingly impolite, insincere, and ill-mannered males we have to deal with in real life, including pseudo-Edwards (controlling manipulators!).

Here is the list of fictional men I find especially drool-worthy:

We're impressed with how adept Sparkler Imperfectbutfine is at writing in the SparkLife style. Did you get your hands on our blogging manifesto? (Nice work!) —SparkNotes editors

Despite the natural cheer of the holiday season, and despite how low we set our standards, we always have those moments where our holiday seems “un-Christmasy.”

What is an “Un-Christmasy,” you ask? Well, it’s simple: It's when something happens over the holidays to trigger Extreme Grumpiness with a side of Holiday Contempt. Triggers include:
1. Homework over the break, especially when teachers call it their “Christmas present.”

Sparkler woktaker, the author of this post, explains her inspiration for this post: "In the comment section of wildegirl55's post about dead people she is in love with, humanoid18 said, 'I don't know. I've never had a crush on a dead person. Cartoons, yes, and I'm not at all ashamed to admit it.' Well, that comment inspired me to contribute this..." Enjoy! —SparkNotes editors

The feeling of a warm, solid human hand wrapped around yours is something many desire. I, however, am not ashamed to admit that frequently, I'd rather have a 2D hand on top of mine than a sweaty, possibly never-been-washed, human hand.

I am, of course, speaking of my cartoon character loves. After all, cartoons will never let you down. They never age, get wrinkles, develop a life-threatening illness that takes them off of the planet, or, worst of all, grow hair in gross places, like ears, noses, and chests. Sure, their network might stop making new episodes of their show, but they will always be there in reruns and fan fiction. I have compiled a list of my top 5 cartoon crushes (in no particular order), because there is nothing more romantic to me than a brightly-colored fictional character:

Wanna know what makes this post exciting? It's from an anonymous Sparkler! (If you wanna take cred for this post, email us at contribute@sparknotes.com!) —SparkNotes editors

Christmas is coming, and Christmas means presents. And presents means that you have to decide what to get for all of your friends, family, and…teachers? Here’s a guide for what to get for who!:

Sparkler synchrogirl117 does a great job of using a few specific examples from her daily grind to vividly illustrate the public school lifestyle. Great work, synchrogirl! —SparkNotes editors

As I looked through recent SparkLife comments, I was surprised at how many of my fellow Sparklers were either home schooled or live in a country other than the good old US of A. AlygirlRockz16 has asked what high school is like, and guess what? I am a completely average American teenager (...as far as you know) who attends a completely average (I think) American high school, and I am here to tell you all about my fascinating school day:

6:30 a.m. After sleeping through my alarm for 45 minutes, I wake up when my sister finally wonders why I'm not up, and knocks on my door. I notice the time and have a minor heart attack, fall out of bed, and throw on some clothes, then run downstairs and grab a granola bar.

The following post is by Taarryynn77, a Sparkler with fantabulous textiquette! —SparkNotes editors

Texting has taken the world by a storm. It's an invention that has made unnecessary, awkward telephone conversations disappear, given us a way to pass the time during Algebra, and allowed us to forward our friends a pic of the last jaw-dropping glance Edward gives Bella in New Moon.

I admit, I'm an avid texter, and without my unlimited plan I would be lost. But there have got to be some guidelines:

1. Keep it PG. We've all heard horror stories about Victoria sharing a little bit too much of her secret, if you know what I mean.

This is Sparkler JaneBond009's first post, and we think she's hilarious! —SparkNotes editors

Your teacher announces a group project.

"Okay," you think, "This is good. My and my friend can team up, half and half, I won’t have to do all the work. Great."

Don’t get comfortable yet, because your teacher follows up with the six words high schoolers never want to hear: “I have already chosen the partners.”

Partners. They can make or break your grade, especially if you have one of those teachers who give points based on teamwork. In my experience, there are several different types of accomplices you may end up with: