We love ‘em, we hate ‘em, we want to hit them repeatedly in their oversize heads with pillows made of sheet rock. Who are they? Who else: our ever-lovin’, unbearably intolerable siblings. Below are some REAL LIFE stories from the REAL LIFE relationship between this writer and her twin sister (pictured here). Got any tales of terror that can top these bad boys? Doubtful.

Here are the top 6 times I've wanted to kick my twin's a#%:

1. The time (in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner with 15 relatives) she said she had paid John Lopez, the dreamiest guy in school, the Golden Boy of the decade, the Johnny Depp of 8th grade, two dollars to dance with me at the latest school-sanctioned shin-dig, and that he had refused to do so—until the offer was upped to 5, and a promised dance with her.

Sparkler SHOELACEx3 is a sophomore and her sister's a senior. They get along great, but no siblings are completely immune to occasional shouting matches, hair-pulling and stuff-stealing. (Right?) —SparkNotes editors

As the semester comes to a close, many of us are reminded that our older sib is graduating in June, and that leaves just one more semester to have him/her around. A typical first reaction to getting rid of your sister or brother is "Yay! One less person to annoy me!" But is it truly better to be the only child? To help, I've listed the pros and cons of being the only kid left at home:

Pros:

1. You get all the stuff he/she leaves behind

Sparkler villanous_mwaha warns us that this was written in a fit of rage. We're just going to...um...go hide now. —SparkNotes editors

This guide to getting revenge is focused on the main culprits of your daily torture: siblings. Older siblings, to be precise, for these wretches have the power to control your life and, lord, do they know it. Here's my list of suggestions for torturing your torturer:

Tortures for the timid

These suggestions are for those who don’t like attention, or don’t want to do much harm.

Yes, Sparklers, today is the day you have all been waiting for. After countless countdowns, plot-spoiling blog posts, and rumors about on-set love affairs, the cinematic event of the 21st century is finally upon us: Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans comes out today!!!! I’ve been camping in this line outside the movie theater for 12 days now, and I can’t wait to slide my aching body into a velvet seat and let my sore eyeballs be caressed by the handsome visage of Nicolas Cage, that dreamboat hunkadoodle who plays an unhinged, drug-addled cop struggling to stay sane while investigating a murder in the Big Easy. I heard he looks super cute in all the scenes! Especially the one where he's hallucinating about the iguanas! Anyway, it looks like they're starting to let people into the theater, so I have to fold up my lawn chair and gather my socks and move on out. And since I was chilling outside a theater for almost two weeks, I had the chance to tackle a few more Chris Listens questions. Thanks for all your great submissions! Now bring me some Nic Cage!

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, we're about to hit the prime time of year for long, looong-distance family travel-thons. And whether your family's Turkey Day destination is across the country or just (heh heh) over the river and through the woods, chances are that next week will find you in the inescapable company of your family for at least the duration of a traffic-jammed car ride.

We know what you're thinking: Blast it all, SparkNotes, why'd you have to bring this up? Don't you know that Thanksgiving holiday travel is my personal hell?!

Sparkler hannah12banana is making me feel guilty for torturing my little sister, but we editors love her post anyway. Congrats, hannah12banana, sounds like you've got the run of the house now! —SparkNotes Editors

For those of us who've had an older sibling all these years and dealt with their constant giggles about Tony the school heartthrob, heard their bad renditions of "Stairway to Heaven," and endured their groans as they crammed for their quantum physics test, we know that having our older sibs go off to college is a big deal. We've gone through a lot with them, and when push comes to shove, we're going to miss them...maybe.

I bet you thought “pwn” went out of style in late 2007 along with expressions such as “w00t,” “pr0n,” “n00b,” and “sux0rz.” Well, it kinda did. (The last recorded usage was by your dad, who claimed to have "utterly pwned a plate of chicken cacciatore.") But now it’s back in all its unpronounceable glory, and I am going to re-embrace it. Few words capture the ineffable ridiculousness of the internet so well. "zOMG" is a pretty close second, although it's only really useful when you are about to be attacked by the living dead, at which point you can yell, "zOMG! zOMBIES!" Happens to me all the time. You know what else happens to me all the time? I get good questions from Sparklers. So let's have at 'em.

"Lemonaaade! Get your freshly squeezed lemonade! Come on, sir, it's only fifty cents! Erm, I'm deeply sorry, Madam."

Lemonade stands. We've all seen them: poorly constructed wooden tables set up on the sidewalk, complete with a full pitcher of "lemonade," bags of lemons, sacks of sugar, a few quarters, and, of course, two seemingly adorable kids whose sales pitch includes lines like: "C'mon, tubby, you know you want it," and "Think of the children!" But these familiar old summer moneymakers have gotten a bit stale. I'd like to suggest that enterprising Sparklers create new stands, better stands, stands that are a bit...out of the ordinary:

Sparkler inthenameofjd will keep you busy this summer with a list of summer must-sees! Enjoy! —SparkNotes Editors

Summer is the time to see all the movies you missed, and movies you just plain miss. There's plenty of time to get up to speed now that you're out of school, but starting a summer movie marathon can be intimidating. That's why I’ve compiled a list of the movies that can help get you through your summer blues or give your party a boost!

For the lame party you thought wouldn’t be lame but everyone’s just sitting around:

Hello again, my answer-seeking amigos. Family-related questions have been streaming in recently, and this week, brothers are the hot topic. Being a brother myself, I feel compelled to share a brother’s perspective. Maybe next time we can delve into the mysteries of sisters. In the meantime, have a fabulous Fourth of July!

So, I read a post about a girl who had an abusive bf and dad, and it reminded me of one of my friends. Her older brother used to hurt her—a lot. Like one day he'd throw her down the stairs, and another day he'd get mad and punch her. She used to come to school with bruises all the time, and was constantly telling me that her lifelong dream was to see her brother in jail. The thing is, I didn't really understand what was happening at the time, and once I realized what he was doing was abusive, my friend told me he had already stopped. Then a year later, she wouldn't eat, and didn't say why. My friends and I went on strike and refused to eat our lunches unless she ate hers, and then we'd follow her if she went to the bathroom alone. Once she lost too much weight and got sick, she admitted to me that her brother was always calling her a fat @$$, but that he had stopped. She's also given a few hints before that make me think he might have even raped her when she was in elementary school, but she hasn't said much about it, because she really loves her brother. My question is this—what do you do if a friend has had an abusive past? I mean, can you still get the abuser in legal trouble, or is all that history at some point? And what if your friend won't say it straightforwardly, like, "Yeah, he's hurt me before," or, "He slapped me yesterday, but I'm all good now." I'm really scared that if he starts again, she won't tell me. How can I be a good friend?