Yes, Sparklers, today is the day you have all been waiting for. After countless countdowns, plot-spoiling blog posts, and rumors about on-set love affairs, the cinematic event of the 21st century is finally upon us: Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans comes out today!!!! I’ve been camping in this line outside the movie theater for 12 days now, and I can’t wait to slide my aching body into a velvet seat and let my sore eyeballs be caressed by the handsome visage of Nicolas Cage, that dreamboat hunkadoodle who plays an unhinged, drug-addled cop struggling to stay sane while investigating a murder in the Big Easy. I heard he looks super cute in all the scenes! Especially the one where he's hallucinating about the iguanas! Anyway, it looks like they're starting to let people into the theater, so I have to fold up my lawn chair and gather my socks and move on out. And since I was chilling outside a theater for almost two weeks, I had the chance to tackle a few more Chris Listens questions. Thanks for all your great submissions! Now bring me some Nic Cage!

Today is the Friday the 13th. If you're superstitious, you should probably stay away from ladders, black cats, mirrors, and goalie masks. Unless you’re playing hockey, of course, in which case maybe you should go with the mask. Otherwise you might get a puck to the eye socket and the Friday the 13th curse would become all too real.

Speaking of things getting too real (killer segue, right?), when life gets too real for me, I like to take a step back and breathe for a second. Sometimes I even take off my goalie mask and think, "Wow, I can see a lot better without this thing on my face." Then I put it back on and step forward, back into the madness of existence. If you're ever feeling overwhelmed, don't be afraid to do take a step back. And not just on mysterious quasi-holidays, either. This technique should work just as well on Wednesday the 25th or Tuesday the 1st. Now, on to your fantastically real questions:

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
I was doing some homework on my dad's computer. I accidentally exited out of one of the browsers so I went into the history of the Internet to reopen it. In the history, I saw that there was a Google search for "site for cheaters." He had also been to a certain website. I researched it and it is a site that specifically caters to adulterers. My parents are still married. It doesn't seem like my dad goes on "business trips" or always "comes home late from work" as you would expect a cheater to do but I don't see what he does at the computer every night or even at work. I have no idea what to do. Should I tell my older sister? Should I confront my dad or tell my mom? I wish I could forget I ever saw it, but that seems impossible. Please help!
Sincerely,
The Girl with the (Cheating?) Dad

I know how upsetting this must be, but before you work yourself into a state, let's talk a little bit about the nature of internet searches. See, one of greatest things about the internet is that no matter what random question has popped into your head, you can google it.

Hello again. Right now you may be thinking, "Didn't we just do this whole question-listen-answer thing a couple of days ago?" Well, let me reassure you that your brain is not deceiving you. Your computer is not trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Heck, you’re not even wearing a wool hat, or any other cranial accoutrement. We had so many fantastic questions this week, that we've decided to offer a double-dose of yours truly. So on we go, with no deception, no tricks, no wool pulled, onward!

Happy November, Sparklers. I received many heartfelt, well-considered, artfully composed electronic missives over the last week and a half, and I want to apologize for not being able to respond to all of them. But let me reiterate that even if I don’t have the time or space to answer every question, I do read every one from the first letter to the last emoticon, and my thoughts are with all of you, especially those who are feeling less than happy right now. If you're feeling down, let someone know (in addition to me!), because that's the surest way to make things better. OK, enough general advice. Let's get specific...

Last week a very clever Sparkler used this column as a platform on which to express his or her affection for yours truly. But anonymous crushes are one of the things that make the internet great, right? Or maybe they make the internet horrifying? Either way, thanks to all those who leapt to the defense of brown-eyed, glasses-wearing nerds. Lately I’ve received a lot of emails from people who are feeling down and out and/or disrespected, and it bums me out. I know evolutionary theory dictates that we prey on the weak and only the strong survive and all that, but I just wanted to make a quick appeal: If you know someone who doesn’t quite fit in or who is feeling lonely or depressed, do something about it. Make an effort to say hello and/or include them in what you’re doing. High school isn’t easy for anyone and we all have to do our best to endure it while our hormones go crazy and we face psychotic teachers, out-of-touch parents, relationships run amok, and the relentless pressure to succeed. So whenever/wherever possible, be kind to each other. OK. Speech done. Thanks for listening. Now: questions!

As you know, I'm a big fan of communicating (and its second cousin, venting). Expressing yourself is good for your mental health, and, in my experience, people like to know how other people feel about things. It's a win-win. The problem is, it's easy to write about communication on the internet, but hard to do in actual real-life reality. So this week, I want everyone to practice. If you think your friend is buggin' out, go and tell him, and ask what you can do to help. If you want to ask out your crush, take a deep breath and do it. And if you want to get out of a tough situation, express your feelings to someone you can trust. She might not have the answer, but you might not need an answer—you might just need a little support.

And now, on to your questions:

Your parents + today’s hit music = awkward.

Why do your parents seem to walk into your room when the dirtiest songs are playing? “Birthday Sex” just isn’t what your mom wants you listening to, and why did she have to stop talking right when Jeremih starts singing about hitting that g-spot? “Ummm…. he means the groovy spot, the spot when you are feeling groovy.... So how was your day, mom?”

We say, don't put yourself at the mercy of parents, your iTunes shuffle, and fate. Take matters into your own hands by making a mix of songs you can play around your parents shame-free . . . songs they might even enjoy listening to. But don't make the songs too good—you don't want a parental pal at your next concert.

Sparkler Coral_Sharx brings solid logical reasoning to her post about trust. Enjoy! —SparkNotes Editors

We’ve all had to go through it—it’s Friday night, and your friends show up asking you if you want to hang out. But your parents refuse to let you go, saying “you have too much homework” or “you have to wake up early for sports practice tomorrow,” while really they’re thinking: “Pssssht. Just yesterday you lied to me about those test scores, and now you think we’re going to let you go out at this time of night? Who knows what teenagers are doing these days…”

Why do adults not trust us? We’re old enough to think for ourselves, but most parents insist on putting us on a leash, dictating who we’re allowed to hang out with, what time we need to be home, and even when to do our homework and go to bed. As guardians, they might be entitled to that, but we also deserve some freedom once in a while…right?

Hello again. Those who keep track of this sort of thing might have noticed that for the last week or so, the standard Chris Listens posts have given way to my guide to falling for your BFF. And while I've enjoyed delving into that tangled web of love, I feel bad about not getting to your other questions. So this week I’m taking extra care with your queries. None of my answers amount to “Go eat this amazing sandwich, I promise you’ll feel better.” Well, maybe one of them does. But that’s why you read this column, right? Here we go!