Yes, Sparklers, today is the day you have all been waiting for. After countless countdowns, plot-spoiling blog posts, and rumors about on-set love affairs, the cinematic event of the 21st century is finally upon us: Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans comes out today!!!! I’ve been camping in this line outside the movie theater for 12 days now, and I can’t wait to slide my aching body into a velvet seat and let my sore eyeballs be caressed by the handsome visage of Nicolas Cage, that dreamboat hunkadoodle who plays an unhinged, drug-addled cop struggling to stay sane while investigating a murder in the Big Easy. I heard he looks super cute in all the scenes! Especially the one where he's hallucinating about the iguanas! Anyway, it looks like they're starting to let people into the theater, so I have to fold up my lawn chair and gather my socks and move on out. And since I was chilling outside a theater for almost two weeks, I had the chance to tackle a few more Chris Listens questions. Thanks for all your great submissions! Now bring me some Nic Cage!

Smile. Tilt your head down and to the left. No, the other left. That's too far. Back. Back. That's it. Hold it! One…two…three. [POP] Next?

And thus your school portrait has been recorded for all time. It seems unfair that you only get one school photo per school year. After all, a lot can happen between September and June. You could get a haircut. Lose an eye. Have "Live the Spark Life" tattooed on your neck. In a perfect world, there would be multiple opportunities to have your school photo taken.

But this is not a perfect world (as evidenced by the lack of hot dog trees). There is only one picture day a year.