Have you ever felt weird or sad about growing up? Sparkler rebel_of_nowhere reminds us that we can all still be kids, even if we look like adults. —SparkNotes editors
No matter how convincing the sophisticated façade high schoolers put on, we are all still just kids at heart. We admit to getting up to watch Scooby Doo and walking around in footie pajamas. Just because we have a car, a job, and a 1 a.m. curfew doesn’t mean we can't embrace the little kid in us, right? Here are the ways I tap into my inner child:
It's almost Valentine's Day, Sparklers, and that means a little something extra in today's column. Yes, that's right: they're AUNTIE SPARKNOTES VALENTINES. Just for you! But first, here's a letter:
Hi there, Auntie:
So, my boyfriend and I have known each other forever. I mean, FOREVER. I have memories of taking a bath with him when we were teensy weensy little babies. We lost touch when he moved to New York in fifth grade, and he finally confessed that he had liked me when we got back in touch in eighth grade. We started our long distance relationship, and it was a little awkward at first, because I always thought of him as a brother. But our love did 'blossom' in the end.
Since it's almost Valentine's Day, I wanted to give him something special, but the distance makes it a little hard to keep in touch. Our love life revolves around phone calls, IMing, and e-mailing each other. I just want to do something special for him, but I just don't know what! Please help!
Chapter Five: Imprint
Better Title: Sam's Life is a Romantic Comedy Without Laughter
I’m going to need your help on this one, folks. I must be an idiot. Clearly there are hidden words in this chapter (perhaps written in those frustrating invisible letters) that explain imprints. But I haven’t found them yet.
The chapter itself is called Imprint, and Jacob says something along the lines of, “And now I shall define the term imprint.” However, after reading this chapter twice, I still have no idea what the hell the word “imprint” means in this book.
Chapter Four: Nature
Better Title: (Read in sing-song manner) Bella and Jacob Sitting By the Sea….N-O-T (SPACE) K-I-S-S-I-N-G
If this book were a bowl of Lucky Charms, this chapter would be the oddly-shaped bits of cereal that no one really likes, and that only exist because people would feel too guilty eating an entire bowl of marshmallows. In other words, this chapter is boring, and taste like sugary cardboard.
Sure, Jacob pops up. But he doesn't ride a motorcycle, turn into a wolf, or summon lightening bolts from the sky. Emmett and his swords are nowhere to be seen. There is no action, of course. No one slaps Edward. No one eats Bella. And by the end of the chapter, we haven't learned much except that Bella is blinded by love, and Jacob is a bit of a racist.
Chapter Three: Motives
Better Title: Jacob Black's Guide To Gettin' It Done
Jacob "The Thunder" Black rides again! And when he makes his triumphant return, not only does he mock Edward, but he parks his motorcycle on the school's sidewalk. Why? Because this warrior plays by his own rules, makes his own roads, and answers to no one. He is….Mr. Black. [Cue the howling of a wolf on a still winter's night.]
But before Jacob tells it like it is, I have two questions. First, how do Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme pass the time during the day? Do they simply wait around for Edward to have a problem?
Hey Sparklers! Because I love your letters so much, starting today, I'll be answering two of 'em per week. So if you've been sitting on a particularly juicy problem, now's the time to get brave and write in. And now, this week's letter:
Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
I have a problem. I have a really, really, really big problem. I was really worried about sending this to you, because I’m not sure you can help with my really, really, really big problem, but here it goes….A couple of years ago, when I was in something like grade 8, I met up with this group of people. We instantly connected, and have been friends ever since. However, last year, at the start of 9th grade, I came out to them. They were helpful and understanding and nice and loving and all that. The Problem is this: In the group, there is this guy I like, but he’s completely totally straight…
Today's letter-writer has a Halloween dilemma. (So do we: our Balloon Boy costume is proving hard to assemble.) Enjoy! —SparkNotes editors
This halloween I am being pulled in three different directions. There are three different groups of friends that I have that are all doing different things having different parties and such. And none of them are really friends with each other so I don't have a chance of them all getting together. Especially my boyfriend.
Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
2 weeks ago I started talking to the guy I liked. He knew I liked him because several of my friends decided it was their business to tell him. Anyway, we started texting and heavily flirting and we decided that he'd come over one day and we'd hang out. Well, he ended up coming over and we made out. It was the first time I'd ever kissed a guy and afterwards I asked him if he wanted to go out sometime. He basically explained to me that he basically wasn't over his ex (who he hasn't been with for about a year). He seemed really upset with himself and kept calling himself a 'horrible person'.
I am a freshman who just started highschool and things are pretty weird. I am an in-the-closet-bisexual and not only do I find my friend hot and like her, but there is this guy who is a senior and has a girlfriend- but I don't even know his name! My friend is also bisexual but she is taken and doesn't like to date anyone younger than her. I have never had a boyfreind or a girlfriend or a kiss and I am freaking out about what to do! I think that I am just barely getting my hormones back because for about a year, I have not been intrested in anybody and worse yet, nobody has EVER been intrested in me. Can you help? Any advice will do, about becoming more appealing, becoming brave enough to come out, about admitting my crushes, anything. But, please, can you help?
First things first: There's no need to freak out. Just take a deep breath, order a pizza, and watch some cat videos until your heart rate returns to its normal resting state.
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