Okay before all you rabid smiley fans shoot frowny-faces at me, hear me out. No, I'm not here to bring down the Reign of the Smilies. Why do you ask? Wait. Why are you looking at me like that? NOO, not the evil smiley. OH, THE HORROR!
Ahem. Sorry. Got a little carried away there.
So, you're not going to eat me, right? Okay. Good.
Now back to why we’re all here. See, I love seeing someone smile as much as the next smiley-hater but how on earth does a colon and a bracket equate to a smile? I'm sorry, but I just don't get the logic. Yes, I've tried tilting my head. I'm still not buying it.
So I'm here to enlighten you on the many reasons why smilies really aren't so big a deal. I'm pretty sure the solar system would still be aligned, cats would still meow (especially when you trying really hard to sleep. Yes, I’m talking to you, Mr. Snuffles.) and ninjas would still have jetpacks if people stopped using smilies. Here’s why I think smilies really aren’t that big a deal and if anything, should be avoided whenever possible:
1. It looks weird. Think about it. Say someone who might've been living under a rock for the last couple of decades and doesn't know what the heck a smiley is (Does that mean Lee's smiling? Well, good for him. But he looks kind of dorky when he smiles.) reads this:
lol! XD that's awesome! 
Need I explain the consequences?
2. You don't actually mean it. At least not always. Take the above example. The XD smiley has always been a mystery to me. I’m curious. Are you actually crossing your eyes and grinning at the computer? I’m pretty sure anyone who catches me doing that would wheel me off to the nearest psychiatric hospital. And if that isn’t enough to convince you, the X thing looks a lot like an expression you’d wear when
a) you’re staring at an imaginary fly on your nose
b) you’re trying to impress someone (Hey, check this out! I can grin and cross my eyes at the same time. Wait, where are you going? COME BACK!) and are failing miserably or
c) you’re either unconscious or dead. My sympathy goes out to you if it’s the latter.
3. It can be really frustrating. As unbelievable as it sounds, it doesn’t just annoy yours truly. It can actually annoy others too. Allow me to explain. Imagine you’re texting your friend about a really messed up incident that took place at Thanksgiving (it involved a flying turkey and your grandma - ‘nuff said) complete with dialogue and a picture of said flying turkey. Hand drawn of course, because no one in their right mind would take out their cell phones when a flying turkey is on the loose, but would duck under the nearest stable surface and brace for impact. And here’s your friend’s reply:
lolz.
Seriously, is that it? IS THAT YOUR REACTION TO A DEADLY FLYING TURKEY?!?
I wouldn’t blame you for tearing your hair right off. I would know since it’s driven me crazy plenty of times. And I’ve got the bald spots to prove it.
So there you have it, Sparklers. The three top reasons why I hate smilies and why you should probably consider staying away from them too.
Now where was I? Oh, right–
NOT THE EVIL SMILEY! *pulls out anti-smiley ray gun* Stay away or face the wrath of my ray gun! Alright, you asked for it.
*shoots ray gun*
DIE, SMILEY, DIE!
Tags: smilies
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