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The Top Ten Reasons the Internet Actually Sucks

By Jennifer GrudzieckiJune 3, 2011
Everyone in the entire universe thinks the internet is so All That. Everybody loves it. (Except, like, my 92-year-old great-grandmother, who thinks the internet is actually alive and trying to kill her, but let's ignore that, shall we?) Some people practically spend their entire lives... More  →
The Top Ten Reasons the Internet Actually Sucks

Open Thread for June 3

By Emily WinterJune 3, 2011
Dance.Girl.Sparkle's eyes are so pretty we could eat them. We mean that in the least sociopathic way possible. WINK!... More  →
Open Thread for June 3

Quick! Which Celeb Needs a Makeover The Most?

By Emily WinterJune 2, 2011
Ke$ha's not on this list because of feathers or face paint. She's on this list because she is dirty. Doesn't she remind you of Pig-Pen from Peanuts? Wake up in the morning with a bottle of Purell, woman! More  →
Quick! Which Celeb Needs a Makover the Most?

Identifying the (Pretentiously) Perfect Facebooker

By ContributorJune 2, 2011
amaryllismoon was inspired to write this post after reading Identifying the Typical Female Facebooker; keep in mind that her sarcasm hand is RAISED.—Sparkitors Let’s face it; everyone on Facebook has pretty much the IQ of a rhino.... More  →
Identifying the (Pretentiously) Perfect Facebooker

How To Recover From Asking A Stupid Question

By ContributorJune 2, 2011
TanTanTheLadiesMan is the new Mankler on the block—and he had us laughing from the get-go.—Sparkitors I’ll be the first to admit:  I ask stupid questions...a lot.  But that’s okay, because just like snot rocketing in public, the more it... More  →
How To Recover From Asking A Stupid Question

The Grievances of a Grocery Store Employee

By ContributorJune 2, 2011
emma1330, this post cracked us up—it sounds almost exactly like Chelsea Dagger's first job at TJ Maxx!—Sparkitors I work at a grocery store as a cashier. But not only am I a cashier, I'm also a sandwich-maker, lottery clerk, general labourer, etc. I'm... More  →
The Grievances of a Grocery Store Employee

What to Do When Your Parents Are Cooler Than You

By Jennifer GrudzieckiJune 2, 2011
I don't know how long this has been going on, but as I whacked my head on the ceiling this morning (as per my usual morning routine), the root of my parental troubles finally came to me in a wave of blessed, pain-filled enlightenment: my... More  →
What to Do When Your Parents Are Cooler Than You

How to Get Your Crush Out of Your Head

By Ashley SpencerJune 2, 2011
You’ve got it bad for a boy—so bad that people are beginning to think you are certifiably insane. After seriously considering getting your crush’s name tattooed on your wrist, you settled for painting it across the trunk of your mom’s minivan, and... More  →
How to Get Your Crush Out of Your Head

June Horoscopes

By Dan_BergsteinJune 2, 2011
The smell of sunscreen and the sight of chubby men mowing the lawn sans shirt can mean only two things: You’re having that dream again, or summer is finally here. Will this month be one of splendor or one of unsightly pit stains and mosquito... More  →
June Horoscopes

How to Tame Your Velociraptor

By ContributorJune 2, 2011
We've always wanted a murderous dinosaur friend, and now, thanks to Flyergirl13, we can have one!—Sparkitors I recently became obsessed with velociraptors. I mean, how can you not? If you've ever seen Jurassic Park, you know how deadly these beautiful carnivores can be.... More  →
How to Tame Your Velociraptor