HEY BUTTS, IT'S MONDAY!
That exclamation point was a lie. No one is excited about Monday. Monday is the worst. Fortunately, the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards happened last night, which means I have loads of fancypants starlet photographs for you to gaze upon. Does that make Monday... More →
I am blessed (sarcasm) to belong to what is considered one of "the worst graduating classes" in the history of my school. This class is home to the groups of 16-year-olds who showed up at a football game so drunk a few of them puked... More →
It's one of life's most pressing questions: how do I get rid of the creepozoid who's been following me all day? Well, wonder no further!
Situation: On holiday. You're lounging on the sunny beaches of Madagascar (or if you're like me, shivering on a beach somewhere... More →
It's hard to make the Hunger Games even more challenging. Because... what could make battling to the death worse? Well, these things could. Would you rather...
Be known as the fartiest tribute
be the only one who can smell all the tribute’s farts and they smell so... More →
Psssst! Hey, Sparklers! The column will be on a brief hiatus while I take a mini Spring Break trip to sunny Florida. Don't be too sad; I'll be back with a new post on Thursday. —AuntieDear Auntie Sparknotes,I am in desperate need of your help... More →
After a long and brutal winter filled with White Walker attacks (okay fine, I was watching The Walking Dead), Game of Thrones is finally back! When we last checked in with the competing houses of Westeros, the Starks were at war with the Lannisters, with... More →
With the second half of Breaking Dawn getting ready to drop, Twihards around the world are preparing to mourn en masse. But I’m here to tell you, PULL IT TOGETHER! It’s not the end of the world. And, it’s not the end... More →
It’s almost Easter time, and we all know what that means: Easter eggs! The thrill of this yearly hunt signals the excitement of spring. And nothing crushes a child’s soul quite like opening those little plastic treasures only to find the contents... More →
This playlist, sent in by an anonymous Sparkler, makes us want to just sit in the sun and smile. And possibly eat an ice cream cone. But then, we always feel like eating ice cream, so that's nothing new.
"Runaway" by Kanye West... More →