Well, Sparklers, it’s been a wild ride, but the time has come—it’s the end of my freshman year of college. People are hurriedly eating what’s left of their dorm food and dragging futons out to their parents’ double-parked cars. Remember when I started... More →
The Royal Ryan Gosling: Tee off from Ryan's bare chest for a par 2, then save a female journalist from a taxi as you tackle the dogleg. Putt the final hole in the rain, crying.
Conspiracy Theory Cove: Stare down a par 3 through concentric... More →
Black frame glasses. They’re the universal geek symbol, and they’re more popular than ever. From your older brother, to the kid who sits next to you in Biology and even celebrities like Anne Hathaway; everyone seems to be sporting the iconic geek frames. If you’re... More →
The Scarlet Blinkernel…
Colonel Fire Iris...
Oh, excuse me. I was just workshopping a few supervillain names for my bloodshot left eyeball.
"But, why ever is your left eyeball bloodshot?" I ask aloud in my best ventriloquist voice. That's a thoughtful question, thank you for caring. It... More →
Our incredible pals at DoSomething.org never cease to amaze us; first they took on bullies with the kick-ass Bully Project, and now they're bringing prom to the masses with Prom for All, an amazing campaign that lets YOU donate... More →
Hello, Reiders! A lot of you guys had some very pressing concerns—I’m glad you turned to me for advice. If I didn’t answer your question specifically (there were so many!), I’ve gone ahead and answered all the other questions with the same all-purpose piece of... More →
Sometimes, as a native Australian, people don't understand me when I'm talking to them in the bonza ol' U.S. of A. And it is true that occasionally I try to get in the driver's seat when a taxi pulls over to pick me up. And... More →
Dippus and Dashing are best friends, but when it comes to dating, one of them is A-OK and one of them is a DISASTRO. Can you guess which one gets all the hot babes?
Dashing brings cash on the first date so that no matter what... More →
HULLO GENTLEBUTTS AND SCHOLARS! ("Gentlebutts" sounded creepier than I meant it to, but there's no turning back now.) I'm going to keep things short and sappy: today is my 2-year anniversary as a Sparkitor, and I want to thank you guys for making the last... More →