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It's Official: School Starts Too Early

By Valerie BurnAugust 26, 2014
Today in This Is Not News-news: school starts too early. If you're anything like us, your daily routine looks something like this: 6:00: Alarm goes off 6:10, 6:20, 6:30: Alarm continues to go off 6:40: Get in the shower for 5 minutes 6:45: Fight with your hair... More  →
It's Official: School Starts Too Early

Our Back-to-School Horror Stories Will Put Yours to Shame

By SparkLifeAugust 26, 2014
Was yesterday a disaster for you? Did you walk into any panes of glass or light your pants on fire in chemistry? WE HAVE YOU BEAT. Read on for the back-to-school horror stories of a still-mortified splogger and sparkitor contingent... Chelsea Dagger and the Legend of... More  →
Our Back-to-School Horror Stories Will Put Yours to Shame

21 Things From Childhood We Want to Take Into Grownupdom

By Jason SaenzAugust 26, 2014
Being an adult means you can eat all the sugary cereal you want, drive to the beach with friends on the weekend or drop out of life completely and ride the rails as a brakeman. The choice is yours, Adult! But if we... More  →
21 Things From Childhood We Want to Take Into Grownupdom
THE RED CARPET SHALL NEVER BE THE SAME: An ALL-CAPS Style Recap of the 2014 Emmys!

THE RED CARPET SHALL NEVER BE THE SAME: An ALL-CAPS Style Recap of the 2014 Emmys!

By Chelsea DaggerAugust 26, 2014
Good morning, Sparklebutts, and welcome to your second all-caps style recap of the week! After the red carpet carnage at the VMAs (SO MUCH WARM-WEATHER LEATHER! SO MUCH BOOBS!), you'll be happy to learn that what the Emmys lacked in cleavage, they made up for in glamour. ALA More  →

Auntie SparkNotes: How Can I Get My Friend To Ask Me To Prom Again?

By kat_rosenfieldAugust 25, 2014
Dear Auntie, I know that concise letters have more of a chance of being answered, so here's the shortened version: I thought a guy was cute in sophomore year, until I learned he had a girlfriend and he began calling me his sister. He officially... More  →
Auntie SparkNotes: How Can I Get My Friend To Ask Me To Prom Again?

Pizza Cats: They're Just Like Us

By Valerie BurnAugust 25, 2014
Pizza Hut Japan is no stranger to being seriously, ridiculously weird. In one sense, it's admirable. Who else would put hot dogs (?) and maybe corn (?) on a pizza, and then cover the whole thing in mayo? Or put those hot dogs... More  →
Pizza Cats: They're Just Like Us

Hans Hipster Anderson Presents Children's Fables

By Brandon SpecktorAugust 25, 2014
The works of people like Hans Christian Anderson were originally designed to act as warning fables for children (e.g., don't climb into an oven unless you're positive there is figgy pudding in there; you will regret getting your hair cut; apples are LAAAME). But a lot of the More  →
Hans Hipster Anderson Presents Children's Fables
BRACE YOURSELF: We've Got All the HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE Looks from the 2014 VMAs!

BRACE YOURSELF: We've Got All the HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE Looks from the 2014 VMAs!

By Chelsea DaggerAugust 25, 2014
YOU BUTTS ARE THE LUCKIEST BUTTS IN THE WORLD, for this week, you shall recieve 2 ALL-CAPS style recaps, WHETHER YOU WANT THEM OR NOT. Why are you being forced to endure such an unprecedented barrage of sartorial shouting? Because I LOVE YOU, that's why. And also because┬áth More  →
VMA's 10 Geekiest Moment's

VMA's 10 Geekiest Moment's

By Ruby KarpAugust 25, 2014
Our brand-newest writer, Ruby Karp, dug in last night to watch the MTV VMAs to find the evening's 10 geekiest moments. We are proud to showcase them now, like so many nerdy diadems in a Nicki Minaj plated crown. More  →
You Won't Believe What We've Packed Into This Cute Bento Box Article

You Won't Believe What We've Packed Into This Cute Bento Box Article

By Andrew TavinAugust 25, 2014
School is back in, and you are going to have to figure out what to eat for lunch! One idea is to have your mom make you a cheese and ham sandwich, file it down the back of your bookbag and then forget it forever. Another is to just eat popcorn for all your meals. STILL ANOTH More  →