Whether you’re leaving a concert, heading to a baseball game, or just trying to get to the beach on Friday, chances are good that at some point during the summer, you will get stuck in traffic. When this happens, you have three options: Try to relax with some music. Complain to the windshield. Or play the SparkNotes traffic game.
The rules are simple:
Last weekend, millions of people of all ages went to see the action movie “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” This is a film based on a children’s cartoon, which itself was based on a popular line of toys, yet adults are embracing it openly. That’s right: we as a nation are refusing to put aside childish things, and we at SparkNotes like this. We think everyone should feel free to play with action figures and Easy Bake Ovens well into their 40s!
And the immature fun doesn’t stop there. Let’s not forget about…
Earlier this week, we got an email from an advice-seeking Sparkler with an impending trip to Europe, a limited amount of luggage space, and—gasp!—no idea what to pack.
Although at first, your SparkNotes editors were all, “You don’t know what to pack for Europe? Gee, we wish we had your problems!”, getting that letter brought back memories of our own teenaged trekking across the continent, when proper packing could have prevented any of the following tragedies:
a) The realization that every single person in Paris, including infants and sanitation workers, was better dressed than us
b) The discovery that, in Europe, nothing you own can be plugged in
c) An unfortunate vomiting incident involving bratwurst, a hotel window, and a parking lot full of Smart Cars (Shoulda brought Pepto!)
So for Sparkler Tim (and all other European-bound readers), here it is:
The SparkNotes Guide to EuroTrip Packing!
Humans have a tendency to hide rude remarks under a veneer of politeness. They also have a tendency not to realize that everyone does this, and therefore everyone is aware when she’s being insulted, even when the insult is disguised as a question or compliment. Let’s take a look at some of the euphemistic phrases we could live without hearing ever again.
“You look tired”
Translation: “You look like hell.” This statement is vague enough that it could apply to any aspect of your appearance. Eye bags, frizzy hair, slouchy posture—something about your look screams “I need an Advil and a nap.” And usually when someone says “you look tired,” you actually feel totally fine, leaving you to wonder what you did wrong when getting ready in the morning.
Sure, summer might be dull, but there’s a million places Sparkler Layysz would rather be than back at school. Enjoy! —SparkNotes Editors
Now that school’s finally out, there’s a new problem: boredom. It seems almost impossible to remember how much we hated school, and how much we didn’t care about “important” stuff we learned, like how many feet it snowed in the storm of 1729, or the names of all the Ancient Inca weird polytheistic sun gods. Read more…
Last month, a Belgian teenager claimed she’d gone to a tattoo parlor to get three stars tattooed on her face, fallen asleep during the procedure, and awoken to discover this result instead.
Drifting off while needles are plunged into your cheeks? Uhhhh, yeah. Obviously, she was lying. (And who could blame her? Her dad flipped out when he saw her face, and she panicked.)
We know lying is a part of life. But some lies are bigger than others and, as the tattoo-chair-napper shows, some lies are worse than others. Sparklers, to save you time and effort, here is a list of other excuses parents can see right through:
Last week, we examined how the time you wake up can define your personality. A few readers suggested we do the opposite, and find out how a person’s bedtime relates to her personality. Because we can never say no to peer pressure (it’s why we’re wearing these ugly shoes), here is our Summer Vacation Bedtime Personality Guide (or SVBPG, for short).
If you go to sleep between…
7:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.: You are a farmer. Or you think prime-time television is obscene and intellectually insulting, so you’d rather turn in early and let your dreams be your entertainment.
8:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m.: You are a farmer who likes to party.
In our first installment of SAS (that’s Summer Activity Series, not Side-Angle-Side, although your geometry teacher likes where your head’s at, Sparkler fabalafae), we asked for ideas for projects to keep your summer from becoming a long, air-conditioned haze punctuated only by consuming the occasional Bomb Pop and counting the wrinkles on your pool-pruned feet.
While you had many wonderful ideas (master sandwich making, giant slip n’ slides, room cleaning games, cootie catchers), most of which we will explore later in the series, several of you seemed so enthused about the idea of making daisy chains, and Super Sparkler rishameme asked so nicely, that we shall start there.
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