A Sparkler's Craziest Eating Habits (Wait 'Til You See #4)
You may think you have some unusual food preferences, but we're 99% sure that BritishTea has got you beat.—Sparkitors
I have come to the realization that some people have strange eating habits. And although we Sparklers may not be cannibals or glass-eaters, I must admit that our generation has developed some bizarre food combinations. I'm not sure why we do this, or why I misspelled "people" two times in the first sentence before figuring out the correct spelling, but that's beside the point... I'm here to explore MY odd eating habits. Here goes!
1. Tuna fish sandwich with dried fried onions, ketchup, and remoulade.
This, uh, interesting combination of food evolved from the fact that one day I had nothing to eat for lunch, and I was supposed to leave in about five minutes. So I rummaged in my fridge for random products, and just put them all together. I have to say I was a bit skeptical before eating the sandwich, but in reality, it wasn't so bad. I recommend that you eat this only if you are very hungry, or if you don't linger on the taste too much. Just eat it quickly, and I promise, nothing will go wrong. (Warning: I am not responsible for any harm caused by food poisoning. It's your fault if your stomach is picky.)
2. I like eating butter.
Well, I lied. I like eating salted butter. Just butter. By itself. I don't eat with a spoon, because that would be too weird. I eat it with a knife. You should be aware that that is the only proper way to eat butter. Seriously, Sparklers. (And Manklers. And Sploggers. And Sparkitors. And everyone.) The subtle salty taste is so tempting! Argh. Bye. I think I'll go eat some butter.
Ten minutes later...
Ah, my butter cravings are satisfied. Where were we?
3. Apples with yogurt. Cucumbers with yogurt. Bread with yogurt. ANYTHING with yogurt.
So, I have this obsession with yogurt. And I'm not talking about your typical fake yogurt , I'm talking about the authentic stuff. Bulgarian yogurt. As disgusting as that might look, it is AMAZING. and according to me, it's good with everything. But bear in mind that according to me, Danish people are trying to convert all food into candy.
What I mean by real yogurt is yogurt that contains the bacteria Lactobacillus delbrueckii subsp. bulgaricus. Emphasis on "bulgari." Okay, this may be a bit biased, because I am Bulgarian, but seriously. Bulgarian yogurt is the real yogurt. Also, according to spellcheck, "yogurt" is the right spelling, but according to a dictionary, both spellings (yoghurt, yogurt) are correct. Spellcheck is weird. And spellcheck doesn't think that "spellcheck" is a word.
4. Napkins and other paper products.
You wouldn't believe how much of these I have eaten. And not just by mistake. I have eaten a square of a KFC brochure paper. Bear in mind, it was glossed paper. Also bear in mind that I didn't just put it in my mouth and chew. I SWALLOWED. With the help of some water, of course. I think I may have Pica, an eating disorder which causes you to eat things that are not food. However, who decides what's food and what isn't? If I say napkins are food, napkins are food. Argument closed.
So, what are your bizarre eating habits? We sometimes crinkle up potato chips and put them into Ben&Jerry's Half Baked ice cream. It is DELICIOUS.
Related post: The Food Challenge: Pickles and Sprinkles