It's time, once again, for an installment of the Auntie SparkNotes Guide to Prom! And not a moment too soon, because today, the following urgent and highly topical question arrived in Auntie's inbox:
I followed your awesome advice and finally asked my dream date to the junior prom. We're friends and he's really nice. I asked if he was going to the prom, he said something like he wasn't sure. I said I thought maybe we could go together. He said he would think about it. Now I am relieved that I have finally asked him, but consumed by the insatiable worry that he will say no. What do I do? If he doesn't say anything how long should I wait before asking for an answer (which I think would be harder than asking the first time)? Prom permission slips are due March 22nd and I have to get my dress soon if I am going. Please help me!
Fortunately for this Sparkler—and all the rest of you—we're about to cover that all-important moment in the process of obtaining a prom date that comes after The Ask:
The Response.
At this point in our hypothetical, you have decided upon a prom date—be it a crush, a friend, or a friend who is also a crush—and worked up the nerve to actually ask him or her to the prom. (If you have just been asked to the prom, hang in there—we'll cover you next.) What happens now is up to the askee, and will unfold according to one of three possible scenarios.
Option 1: Yes.
Congratulations! You have asked, and she has accepted. Take a moment to breath a sigh of relief, then smile and say, "Great!" From here, you can move on to the planning stage—securing transportation, figuring out who pays, coordinating your florals, and mapping out your evening. And give yourself a pat on the back, chie—you've got yourself a date! Just, uh, wait until you're in the privacy of your own home before actually patting yourself on the back. It makes you look funny.
DO
* Express your happiness when your date accepts your invitation. Smile, say thanks, and tell her you're excited.
* Ask her whether she has any thoughts about what she'd like to do, or whether she has any constraints (a curfew, a parental nix on teen drivers, etc.)
* Be proactive about ironing out the details; once the euphoria of successful date-landing wears off, you'll need to touch base about the nitty-gritty.
DON'T
* Immediately leap down her throat with a million and one details about your vision for the evening. Planning should be a gradual process that includes input from both of you.
* Pull the ask-and-vanish. Securing a date and never following up is a cardinal sin of prom-going. No more than 24 hours should elapse between acceptance of a date and the "So, since we're going to prom together..." convo.
* Respond to her "yes" by turning around, high-fiving your buddy, pointing at your now-date, and shouting, "Did you hear that, Wally? We're going the prom! How much you wanna bet she lets me touch her boob?!"
Option 2: No.
Ooooh, sorry. If your askee says "I can't," "I'm sorry," or "I'm afraid the finals for my competitive slug-breeding club are the same night as the prom and I won't be able to go," then you've been officially turned down. An unequivocal "No" is heartbreaking, but in certain ways, it's a gift. At least you've got a definitive answer and can move on to your next prospective date.
DO
* Be gracious and say, "I understand" or "it's okay," even if you feel like you want to sit down in the middle of the gym and cry into your tube socks.
* Thank your askee anyway.
* Wait until you get home to start weeping hysterically.
DON'T
* Bang your head against the proverbial brick wall; a no is a no is a no. Accept it and move on.
* Linger unnecessarily. When rejected, a swift exit is the best exit. (Don't run away, though. It'll make you look weird.)
* Attempt to save face by insulting him or saying something like, "Whatever, I wouldn't want to go to the prom with a fartmonger like you anyway!"
Option 3: Maybe.
When you ask your dream date to the prom, "maybe" (or any variation thereof) is a rare but unfortunate possible response. The reasons behind a "maybe" vary from legitimate (your askee needs to seek parental permission, check her work schedule, or figure out whether attendance is financially feasible) to complete horse-hockey (your askee is too chicken to say "no" outright, or is hoping to keep you on the back burner while she waits for a better offer.) Ideally, the potential date who gives you a "maybe" will not only explain why she can't answer definitively right now, but will tell you when she'll be able to do so.
DO
* Use your intuition to determine whether your askee is maybe-ing you for a good reason.
* Be pleasant and understanding if she does have a good reason, or if she politely asks for a reasonable period of time to "think about it." A 24-hour grace period before answering is considered acceptable.
* Be up front. If you're working with a deadline related to ticket-buying or tux rental, let her know.
DON'T
* Try to force her hand in an unseemly way. Threatening to rescind your invitation if she doesn't make up her mind on the spot is bad, bad form.
* Wait forever. Your date should let you know within 24 hours whether or not she'll go with you, or have a really legit reason why she needs more time to think about it (i.e. she wants to go, but she needs to get permission from her mom, who's out of town on business.)
* Allow yourself to be strung along. If more than 48 hours have passed with no further mention, you should politely ask your askee what her decision is.
Need more info on The Aftermath of Asking? Leave your questions in the comments! And watch for the next installment, in which we discuss what to do when you're the Askee.
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Topics: Advice
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