The Auntie SparkNotes Guide to Prom: Part 2: Asking Your Crush

Oh, HI, you guys. Remember how I wrote one part of a multi-section Prom Guide, and then my computer decided to eat itself, and I couldn't publish the remaining posts? Yeah, that really sucked. But if you've been loitering and lingering, wondering when—WHEN?!—the Auntie SparkNotes Guide to Prom would return, wonder no more. Today's the day. I'll be taking you through the etiquette of:

ASKING.

At this point, you should have weighed your promgoing options and decided on a good potential date. (If you haven't, please return to Part 1 of the guide and review it before continuing.) But while you may have settled on the object of your desire—and perhaps even lined up a second and third-string candidate in the event that you are rejected—chances are good that you've been nervously waiting in the background whilst trying to decide on the perfect method of Prom Proposal. How can you be suave, but not domineering? How can you phrase your hopes for the evening? How can you make sure that your askee doesn't punch you in the face?

Don't worry, we'll cover it.

Because there are so many types of prom dates, over the next few days, we'll be discussing several different types of ASKING. But let's get the big-and-scary one out of the way first, and dive straight into How to Ask Your Crush.

Step 1: Setting.
The ideal time to ask your crush to prom is, coincidentally, the same as the ideal time to initiate a flirtation—when you're one-on-one, unlikely to be interrupted, and NOT in the presence of a crowd of friend-spectators. Pull your askee aside while you're walking in the hallway together, or catch him/her after school. If you can't get the object of your prom-going desire alone, approach him/her with a smile and say, "Hey, can I borrow you for a second?"

WAIT: If your askee runs screaming down the hall the second you open your mouth, abort mission and find someone else. Also, consider asking a close friend to sniff-test your armpits; you may have B.O.
CONTINUE: If your askee is happy and interested in speaking to you, move on to Step 2.

Step 2: Prepare.
The laws of biological physics dictate that you must have exchanged at least twenty words with your potential date before you just up and ask him or her to the prom. (Yes, biological physics. If you don't exchange adequate wordage prior to the big ask, your pancreas will explode and your head will float off into space. YES IT WILL.) So, before you make like Harry Potter and blurt out, "D'youwannagotothepromwithme?!", take some time to speak with your askee. Conversational icebreakers include:

What's your name?
Are you male or female?
You have a barnacle on your forehead. May I remove it?

WAIT: If your askee responds in a less-than-friendly manner by asking you to go away, or calling you a nasty name, or refusing to let you remove his/her face-barnacle. In these cases, you should abort mission.
CONTINUE: If your askee smiles, laughs, gives you a flirty look, or gracefully presents his/her forehead for barnacle removal. You're good, so move on to Step 3.

Step 3: Set the stage.
The precursor to any Prom Proposal is a question about the topic at hand—namely, the prom. Not only is it a good idea to introduce the subject of the prom as a sort of preparatory step before jumping into the Asking Abyss, but you can save yourself undue embarrassment in the event that your askee already has a date. Stage-setting lines include:

Are you going to the prom?
Do you have a date for the prom?
What do you think of the prom theme?

WAIT: If your askee responds with, "No, I hate the [expletive] prom", "Yes, and I'm going with [insert the name of person who is not you]", or "I like it, and I'm going with [insert your name here]". (In the event of the latter, you don't need to ask. Duh.)
CONTINUE: If your askee says, "I want to," "Not yet, no," or "It sounds kinda cheesy, but I like kinda cheesy!" and looks at you flirtatiously.

Step 4: ASK.
Zip up those Confidence Pants, ladies and gentlemen, and ask for what you want! An appropriate Prom Proposal is polite, uncomplicated, and to the point. For instance:

Would you like to go to the prom with me?
Will you be my prom date?
I'd like you to be my date for the prom!

Wait? NOPE. Sorry, tiger —the hour for waiting is over. It's time to move it or lose it. If you never ask, you'll never know.

Addendum: Basic Etiquette

DO
* Be polite; use phrases like "I was wondering," and "Would you like."
* Get your askee alone. Nobody wants to field—or give—a rejection in front of an audience.
* Be clear. You are asking this person to the prom; at some point, the words "Will you go to the prom with me?" (or some variation) should come out of your mouth.

DON'T
* Be demanding or demeaning. If you find yourself saying, "I figured nobody else would ask you, sooo..." you are an ass and you don't deserve a date.
* False-start. Multiple attempts at asking followed by chickening out will just make you look crazy.
* Devise a convoluted or extravagant means of asking. You want your askee to say yes because he wants to, not because he's confused or feels like he can't say no.

Need to know what comes after ASKING? Stick around for Part 3!

Need to prep for the ASKING? Read Part 1!