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Blogging New Moon: Part 3

Blogging New Moon: Part 3

Chapter Three: The End
Better title: Don't Cry. There Are Plenty of One True Loves in the Sea.

Bella is feeling lousy. Her awkward yet hot kiss with Edward makes her think that all is not right with their relationship. Plus her injuries still hurt, so this morning is a rough one. She gets up, and Edward gives her a good morning kiss on the head before he leaps out the window.

At school, he is not acting like himself. Something is definitely up. Maybe he's thinking of breaking up with Bella. Maybe he has a nervous stomachache because he didn't study for the math test. (Been there.) Maybe he has a stuffy nose, and since he's no longer enchanted by Bella's odor, he sees her as the whiny sad sack that she is.

They share a few quick words. Bella is anxious to see Alice so she can ask her how Jasper is doing. But Alice isn't in in school today. Edward says she went with Jasper to Denali, where a vampire family much like the Cullens resides. (Maybe they have a version of Emmett there!) One of these vampires is named Tanya, which I'm sure is just a nickname for something long and elegant like Tanyathia.

Laurent, the evil vampire from the last book who ran away instead of helping the Cullens, also went to Tanya's to chill out. So Tanya is running a hotel for wimpy vampires. By the way, are Alice and Jasper a couple? I know they came to the Cullen family together, but are they romantically linked? You never see them kiss or hold hand hands or drink blood flirtatiously from two straws stuck into a dying rabbit. If they are a couple, I think the fun, friendly Alice can do better. She should date Jacob or Jimmy Fallon.

This other vampire family will probably play a larger role later in the story. In an effort to remember all this information, I made a mnemonic device, "Roy G. Biv," which stands for: Remember Other tanYa Group are Buddies, Indigo Violet.

For the rest of the day, Edward doesn't say much. After school, Bella asks him if he'll stop by later when she gets off work. He says he'll come over if that's what she wants. This is relationship speak for, "only if I have to." Such as when you ask your girlfriend if she wants pizza for dinner and she says, "Sure. If that's what you want," which means she actually wants pancakes.

He kisses her forehead and she drives off to work at the sporting good store (which is owned by Mike's family. This probably isn't important, but maybe Mike's family is a clan of pirate ghosts, so I should keep track of them). Bella is freaking out about what the simple paper cut has caused. I still cannot believe the Cullen family is in disarray over a little spilled blood. These folks survived through two world wars, the Great Depression, the Cold War, the rap-metal music trend, the turbulent 1960s, and countless years of high school. They should be tough enough to deal with a boo-boo and some broken dishes.

I'd hate to think what would have happen if Bella got a bloody nose. The family would probably panic and run around the town babbling and weeping and stamping their feet so hard in madness that their bodies would split in twain like Rumpelstiltskin. One commenter mentioned the problems that come with Bella's time of the month. I won't go there with theories and questions, but it's a darn good point nonetheless.

Bella imagines things will be better at the end of the school year if Edward runs away with her. At work, her mind races, but she is relieved to see his car at her house when she gets home. Edward and Charlie are camped out in front of the TV watching Sports Center. The two guys say hello to Bella and go back to watching the show. (Edward likes sports? I always thought he was more of a PBS or Animal Planet HD kind of guy.)

Charlie tells Bella there is cold pizza in the kitchen and she goes to eat while Edward continues to watch TV. There's something going on, and Bella doesn't like it. Alone in the kitchen, she thinks about life without the Cullen family, and hopes that Edward will take her away from all of this. She thinks about leaving her dad and what she would tell her mom, and says that eventually she would return with Edward once this whole thing blew over.

OK. I'm not exactly clear what the big deal is. Jasper isn't ready to hang out with humans. I understand that. But why is it a huge problem? He can just chill out in the basement and play video games when Bella comes over. That's what I used to do when my family would visit on Christmas. Or let Alice and Jasper go live down the block. These "teens" are at least 80 years old, and it's about time they got their own place, right? Heck, most parents boot their kids out of the house after college. The Cullens need each other because they all share the same dietetic philosophy, but they don't need to live under the same roof.

And even if this is such a huge deal, wouldn't all of it go away if Edward just made Bella a vampire? The simplest solution is usually the best, so bite Bella and everyone can go on with their lives. The faster we solve this nonsense, the sooner we get to the werewolves with (fingers crossed) jetpacks.

Still alone in the kitchen, Bella looks at the scrapbook her mom bought her and thinks about filling it with pictures and memories. She grabs her camera and tries to get a sneaky shot of her dad and Edward. Charlie isn't a fan of having his picture taken and acts like a brat. Then there is more uncomfortable silence between Edward and Bella as they sit in front of the TV. After the show ends, Edward says he needs to get back home, thus ending the world's least romantic date. (Hey, they can't all be walks in picturesque meadows and all-night face-touching parties.)

Bella has a rough night, and gets up early. She takes a few pictures of her house, thinking that if Edward takes her away, she will want some memories of this place. At school, he remains quiet and distant. At lunch, she takes pictures of her non-vampire friends and on the way to work, she drops off the film to be developed. She picks it up later that night.

When she gets the pictures back home, she's surprised to see that Edward's photo not only came out just fine, but that he looks as god-like as ever. She puts the photos in the scrapbook, and labels them. She takes the second set of prints and puts them in an envelope to send to her mom in Florida. I guess her mom gets a kick out of seeing pictures of old houses and people she doesn't really know.

Edward does not come over at night, and once again Bella doesn't sleep well. She can't take this awkwardness and decides she needs to talk things out with him. But at school, he asks to come over to her house before she can even suggest it. She says that's fine, but first she wants to send the pictures to her mom. He says he can mail the letter and still get to Bella's house faster than she can in her old truck.

At her house, Edward is waiting and invites her for a walk. This isn't good at all. The only time couples go for walks is when they are about to break up, or when they are old and think walking around the block once will help them lose 50 pounds.

They haven't walked too far when he drops a bomb on Bella: he's leaving Forks with all the Cullens. He makes up excuses, saying that his family can't stay here much longer since people will begin to notice that they don't age. But the real reason is they need to leave because of the Jasper incident, and because they are a family of overreacting morons.

Naturally, Bella doesn't take the news very well. She yells at him, reminding him that he promised to stay with her after the James attack. He retorts that he promised to stay as long as it was best for her. Now things have changed. She screams, "No! This about my soul, isn't it." If you want to have fun with this over-dramatic section of the book, replace all instances of the word "soul" with the word "earwax."

Bella says Edward can make her vampire, because she doesn't want a soul if it means being without him. Then he coldly says he doesn't want her…at all. If you're going to break up with someone, and want to drive the point home, that'll do it. Even I wanted to slap him when he said that, and I hate Bella.

She is taken aback by the harsh words. He softens things a bit by saying he will always love her, but can no longer pretend to be human. He has to move on before she gets seriously hurt. She pleads with him to stay and he responds with, "You're not good for me, Bella," which is something I also say to cookies before eating them. (I name all cookies "Bella.")

Finally, she realizes she's fighting a losing battle and has nothing left to argue. He asks her to promise him not to do anything reckless. She promises. Then he says that this will be the last time she will ever see him. And it will be as though they never met. So I just read almost 500 pages for nothing?

Edward admires humans because they can forget things. As bad as Bella feels now, time will help ease the pain. He says, "We won't bother you again"—"we" meaning the other vampires, I suppose. The rest of the Cullens have already moved on to a secret location. (Remember, Roy G. Biv!)

As he leaves and says goodbye, she cries out to him and tries to grab him, but her shoves her arms down to her sides and says, "Take care of yourself" before disappearing into the woods. Poor Bella is all alone.

She tries to run after him, but she's much too slow. After hiking through the woods, she falls and stays on the ground curled up in a ball. She stays there for hours and the night is completely dark because of the new moon. (That's where the title comes from. Although, to be more scientifically accurate, the book could have been called, "Moon Not Visible Due To Alignment With Sun.")

It rains and she's so depressed she can't even move. After a while she hears someone calling her name. Later she hears an animal sound nearby; I'm guessing this is a werewolf looking for her. (Yay!) Finally, Sam Uley finds her. He's part of the Native American tribe who live on the nearby reservation. (And I think they are werewolves, and I hope they are amazing.)

He carries her back to her house, and all Bella can say is, "He's gone." (Meaning Edward…or perhaps she had a secret crush on Emmett, or it finally hit home that Heath Ledger is dead.)

Charlie moves her into the house, where Dr. Gerandy (who I don't think is a vampire or a werewolf) examines her. There are more Native Americans in the house along with Mike Newton and his dad and a few other people. The doctor says Bella isn't hurt and is just suffering from exhaustion.

Charlie asks the doctor if it's true that the Cullens left suddenly. He says it is, and that Dr. Cullen got a job in Los Angeles. The exhausted Bella rests on the couch as her dad answers phone calls. And after one call, presumably from the police station, Charlie quickly calls Billy Black (Jacob's dad) and asks if the Native Americans are burning bonfires. Apparently the tribe is celebrating the news that the vampires have left town, because vampires and werewolves do not get along. Because she was responsible for the vampires' exit, maybe the werewolves will give Bella a trophy. Or build a statue in her honor. Or send her a Visa gift card (because then she can get something she really wants).

Charlie asks Bella what happened, and she says Edward didn't leave her in the woods—she went chasing after him and got lost. It seems that he snuck into her house and left a note in Bella's handwriting, telling her dad where to find her.

Bella is tired of the questions and goes to her room because she's worried that leaving a note was not all Edward did while she was crying in the woods. She's right: he also took back the CD he made for her and swiped all the pictures she took of him. He left no trace of his existence, just as he had promised. Bella feels sad and goes into a deep depression.

Prediction: After a few days of being sad, Bella finally starts dating again. Matters quickly turn sour when, on a date with Mike, Bella constantly attempts to ride his back while rubbing glitter all over his face and screaming, "Say I smell good. Say it! Say it! Say I smell like freesia!" Mike runs away in tears.

Need to catch up on past posts?

Topics: Books
Tags: blogging twilight, cartoons, blogging new moon

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