Programs like Summer Success at Agua Fria High School in Arizona are helping students prep for ninth grade by teaching them how to do things like "plan course schedules, make friends, join teams and clubs or even find a seat in the lunchroom." We love that lunchroom-seat-finding unit and want to sit in out of sheer morbid curiosity. But we can think of a few crucial additions to Agua Fria's course schedule. Freshly-minted froshes, you'll need classes on how to:
Combat Casual Bullying. This unit will help you practice the right way to roll your shoulder if someone pushes you into the lockers, and develop an iron grip on your books so nobody can push them out of your hands in the hallway. More advanced units will cover carrying your lunch money in your shoe and staying in sight of faculty members at all times.
Cope With Your First Upperclassman Crush. As a puny freshman, you may believe that attractive, popular senior will never notice you. Role-playing exercises in rejection and humiliation will help you realize that if the senior remains ignorant of your existence, it's actually the best-case scenario.
Survive Your First Time Being Dumped. Freshmen are too young to fully appreciate the lessons of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which is good, because you should do the opposite of everything in that movie anyway. But we all know it's not easy to keep it together when you feel like your world is ending. This part of the course will force you to practice by taking you from denial to despair to detachment. You'll learn the myth of the "just want to be friends" reasoning, the truth about those other fish in the sea, and the reason why you'll feel like a zombie for a few weeks after the breakup.
Navigate the Social Hierarchy. There are a lot of new names and faces to learn, but that's not enough; you also need to know who their friends are, what they're known for, and their status compared to your own. Formerly a secret closely guarded by the inner circle of the Homecoming court, a full, illustrated chart breaking down the rank of everyone in your school will be made available to each incoming freshman. Just don't let anyone catch you unfolding it in the hallway.
What would your frosh boot camp cover? Tell us in the comments.
By: Jeff_Alexander
Topics: School
Tags: breakups, basics, freshman, surviving, ninth grade, crushes, bullying, popularity
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