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Blogging Twilight: Part 21

Blogging Twilight: Part 21

By Dan_Bergstein

SparkLife contributor Dan Bergstein is reading Twilight and blogging about it.

Catch up on the first installments here.

Chapter Twenty-Three

For a change of pace, let's talk about what doesn't happen in this brief chapter:
There are no fights. There are no swords, or nunchucks, or helicopters armed with mini-guns. Edward doesn't fling throwing stars. No one does an elbow drop off a chandelier. Emmett doesn't burst into the studio armed with a flame thrower (though you know he wanted to). No one is picked up by the throat and flung into a ceiling fan. Esme doesn't run off of Emmett's back, launching into a flying kick that connects directly with James's face. There is no chase scene in the maze-like basement/boiler room of the ballet studio. Alice doesn't throw a James through a plate glass window. Carlisle and James do not fight on top of a moving train. And no one screams, "Let me introduce you to the Cullen Clobber!" while wearing black face paint and wielding a sledgehammer.

Instead, Bella wakes up from the attack surrounded by the Cullens. All of the action happened while she was passed out. She has some vamp venom in her system and Edward must suck it out. To some, this may seem thrilling and tense. But I couldn't care less.

I'm angry. How the vampire battle went down is not discussed. I understand that the story is told from Bella's point of view, but Meyers' refusal to show us the fight is a slap in the face. Maybe I picked up the PG-rated version of Twilight, and the real fight is included in the R-rated copy...which also includes the unnecessary, but artistically done chapter entitled, "Showers and Hula-Hoops."

Prediction: The next chapter begins a year later with Edward saying, "Wow. What a year we had. I fought those zombies. Emmett became president. Esme time-traveled to WWII and fought the Germans. Carlisle cloned a Pterodactyl, and then battled it. And Alice became a robot. But enough about that, let's talk about forbidden love for fifty-five pages."

Want more Dan on Twilight? Here you go.

Topics: Books
Tags: twilight, blogging twilight, cartoons

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