Bad Songs That Will Never Go Away

It’s not fair that some songs can be both awful and catchy at the same time, especially because unlike books, movies, or people, you can’t simply avoid these paradoxical tunes. Maybe you just happened to pass by the TV while Landon Pigg was trying to sell you jewelry. Maybe the guy driving your carpool listens to the Black Eyed Peas or you were at the mall while they were playing a muzak version of “Yellow.” Whatever the case, the melody has now wormed its way through your eardrum and into your brain, where it will cause your blood pressure to spike, your teeth to grind, and your brain to concoct nightmares about Chris Martin hiding under your bed.

Most awful songs are just fads. Sure, "The Thong Song” was terrible, but it also disappeared almost a decade ago, never to be heard from since. Then there are horrible songs that become evergreen radio staples, hanging around the airwaves for years or even decades, causing road rage and aneurysms (frequent “Worst Song Ever” contender “What’s Up” comes to mind).

Unfortunately, there is no defense. All you can do in times like these is vent. I’ll start:

Bryan Adams – Summer of ‘69

Also known as “The Importance of Being Really Overly Earnest,” this song is so white bread that it makes the Dave Matthews Band look like the Wu Tang Clan. Characteristic line:

“Me and some guys from school/We had a band and we tried real hard.”

Yeah, you must have spent a whole 6 or 7 minutes on lyrics like that.

Green Day – Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Green Day can write terrific pop punk songs, and tracks like “She,” “Longview,” and “2000 Light Years Away” are some of the best songs about boredom and teen angst ever to sell millions of records. This humorless, self-pitying single off of 2004’s American Idiot is not one of those songs.

The Dave Matthews Band – Crash Into Me

No song this boring should also be so creepy, but every time I hear Dave sing “Show your world to me/In a boy’s dream…” it’s hard not to shudder. This song is kept alive and well by both easy-listening radio stations and students who’ve just picked up the acoustic guitar. The next time you hear it, try this.

Coldplay – The Scientist

What “Crash Into Me” is to the guitar, “The Scientist” is to the piano. Generally, Coldplay is neither good nor evil, but merely bland. Six years of overexposure to this song, however, have rendered it a useful first aid device for inducing vomiting.

Think Bryan Adams is the bee’s knees? What songs would you like to never hear again?