We’ve all received those exhilarating text messages. The ones that tell you your crush is crushing back; the ones that explain that your friend is going to be 20 minutes late, so you should go into the mall and start browsing without her; and the ones that express jubilant laughter via Internet shorthand.
But in our opinion, these awesome digital missives are few and far between. We adore the convenience texting affords (it’s quick, quiet, and requires zero human interaction), but we loathe the messages most people send. Of course, we still have to respond to them, because otherwise our friends will think we hate them, and then they will text our other friends to tell them about it, and then those other friends will text us asking why we hate the friends who originally texted us. Life is hard sometimes. We can help you make it a little easier, though. Below are the types of text messages we truly dread receiving, along with our recommendations for how to handle them.
The Novel
If the text you receive is so long that your phone splits it in two, it deserves to bound up and stuck on a shelf. Generally, the plot of this text will be very important to your friend, but of little interest to you.
Example: Part I: “So last nite me + trevor went 2 movies with his cuz + we saw Termin8r + his cuzs lil sis came becuz she was bored lol + she tried to hit on Trev but shes only 12 so me + her went into the bathroom and” Part II: “I had a lil talk her and BTW the movie wuz so bad + she started crying so trevors cuz had to go into the girls room and”
How to handle: Scan the first half for gory details, then delete the second half unread, because at this point you need to call the person back and they're going to repeat the whole story anyway. And yes, you do have to call, because there’s no way you can meet their needs simply by texting back “wow!”
The Small Talk
Some people can’t stand to NOT use their phone for even one second, so they’ll send out meaningless texts to a bunch of friends, hoping to spark a convo even if there’s absolutely nothing to discuss.
Examples: “Hey,” “Sup,” “What up,” “What r u doin,” “Im bored,” or any variation thereof.
How to handle: Write back something totally preposterous (“Scrubbin in 4 surgery, no time right now”), overly literal (“Im texting u back duh”), or absurd (“Crabcakes bonanza in my pants!!!”). Look at this exchange as an opportunity to entertain yourself by seeing how far you can string your friend along. Just don’t come crying to us if you end up going over your data limit because your were texting about seafood within your slacks.
The Passive-Aggressive Reminder
We're forgetful sometimes, so it's nice to get occasional reminders. But sometimes people will check in too often, confirming and re-confirming and looking for an instantaneous response. This is what cell phones have conditioned us to expect, when oftentimes it's not realistic.
Example: “Did u get my txt yesterday?”
How to handle: There’s nothing good that can come out of admitting that you received someone’s text message but did not reply to it. So your only choice here is to make up an excuse. Try “Srry, phone died” or “No, wut did it say?”
The Piece of Literature
We all have those friends who don’t use T9 because they feel they can’t express themselves without proper capitalization and punctuation. Sometimes they end up spending 10 minutes slaving over the keyboard only to accidentally delete the message before hitting "send."
Example: “Hello, Jeremy. How are you and your friends occupying yourselves on this fine summer evening?”
How to handle: Write back extra swiftly, without bothering to correct typos or words that were wrongly predicted by your phone. You need to teach these nerds a valuable lesson in communication circa 2009.
What kind of text messages drive you crazy?
By: Chris_Diken
Tags: annoying things, cell phones
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