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Blogging Twilight: Part 12

Blogging Twilight: Part 12

Not sure if you've heard, but Dan Bergstein is reading Twilight and blogging about it. Need to catch up? Check out parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and 11.

In other news, Sparkler thepandaqueen started a Facebook group called, obvi, Dan Bergstein's "Blogging Twilight" is AMAZING. If you love Dan and want to marry him—or just enjoy reading his posts—join Amanda's group!SparkNotes editors

Chapter Fourteen

After the touch-fest, Edward drives Bella home. On the way, he listens to an oldies radio station, which prompts Bella to ask about his age. He finally admits that he was born in 1901. He was suffering from Spanish influenza in 1918 when Carlisle saved his life by transforming him into a vampire. He says the process was very painful. We then get a rundown on the Cullen family history.

After saving Edward, Carlisle saved Esme, who I think is Carlisle's wife. Carlisle seems like the nicest guy in the world. Not only did he save Edward's life, but he later made a girl vampire, Rosalie, for Edward to hug and kiss. But their relationship never blossomed, and Edward thinks of her as a sister.

Rosalie found the human Emmet in the forest, suffering from a brutal bear attack, and took him to Carlisle, who saved his life by turning him into a vampire. Rosalie and Emmet then fell in love.

Vampire Alice, who can predict the future, found vampire Jasper walking around, and they went to see nice-guy Carlisle. And that's how they became a family.

But if Carlisle can save people's lives by turning them into vampires, why doesn't he do so all the time? Why has he only saved three kids and one woman? (Alice and Jasper were already vampires when they came to the family.) There are many deserving people in the world who are suffering from diseases and maulings; why couldn't Carlisle have saved them, instead of this handful of whiny, dying teens?

Edward explains that most vampires are nomads and loners. Families like his are rare because grouping together can bring unwanted attention to their species. Again, why is vampirism such a secret? It's 2009. Stand up and be proud of who you are.

During the family history talk, Edward and Bella arrive back at her house. Her stomach growls and Edward realizes he completely forgot that humans need food. She invites him inside.

He knows where the spare house key is, and admits that he comes to Bella's house every night and watches her sleep. Obviously, she freaks out.

Edward's behavior is wrong on many different levels. If a real person did this, regardless of his looks and personality, a girl would be a fool to befriend him, let alone smooch him. Even if you're in a long-term, loving relationship, watching your significant other sleep every night is a violation of trust.

Besides, Edward could be doing more productive things with his evenings, such as starting a midnight basketball program or stopping good people from dying by turning them into vampires. He's so selfish.

Bella is a little ticked off about Edward's nighttime activities because she talks in her sleep and is worried that she muttered something embarrassing. But he tells her she never said anything bad. While Bella is heating up lasagna, her father comes home and Edward quickly disappears.

Bella and her dad talk, and she gulps down her lasagna and goes to her room. She looks out the window for Edward, but he's already in the room because he's a perverted stalker.

Bella is so excited, and tells Edward to stay put while she takes a shower. After the shower, they talk, and there's more neck touching. He says he's getting better at controlling his desire to kill her, explaining that it's a struggle of mind over matter. They talk about danger...again.

Because being away from her scent will only make Edward want to kill her more, Bella invites him to stay the night. He then admits that emotions are difficult and explains how jealous he felt when Mike asked Bella out. When that happened, he wanted to know why Bella turned down Mike. Since he couldn't read her mind, the only logical thing to do was sneak into her house at night, watch her sleep, and hope that she talked as she snoozed. Or, if he were sane, he could have just asked her how she felt.

Edward then describes Mike as "vile," which is strange, because Mike isn't an old man who sneaks into teenagers' windows at night to watch them slumber.

Bella says she doesn't understand how Edward can be attracted to her, but not to Rosalie. He emphasizes the fact that Rosalie is his sister. And he adds that no one has made him feel love until he met Bella. He's been waiting 90 years for her.

She says this doesn't seem fair; she didn't have to wait a lifetime to find her true love like Edward did. He then goes off on the danger-talk again, saying Bella is putting her life in jeopardy every time they are together, so even though he had to wait nearly a century for love, she still has the raw end of the deal.

Charlie comes in to check on Bella, and Edward hides. When Charlie is gone, Edward gets back in bed with Bella and smells her, describing her odor as "Lavender or freesia." He's probably smelling Bella's soap, as she just got out of the shower. I think Suave makes a Freesian shampoo.

Ed says the Cullens are trying to rise above their desires. Just because they were dealt the desire to drink blood doesn't mean they need to act like animals. They strive to remain somewhat human. I'm reminded of that video of the waterskiing squirrel: like Ed, he's trying to attain some level of humanity.

Bella asks a very reasonable question: Why do vampires get individual super powers on top of their already heightened abilities? Edward doesn't know, but Carlisle has a theory that whatever ability you had as a human gets magnified when you become a vampire. I have a theory too: Stephenie Meyers just made this up as she went along, and mind-reading seemed like a fun power.

As a human, Edward was sensitive to people's thoughts, so as a vamp, he can read minds. Alice probably had some precognition abilities as a human, so now can tell the future, and Emmet was a strong human so he's an even stronger vampire. Jasper can manipulate the emotions of those around him because...well, I'm sure at some point in this story he will need to do just that.

I understand those powers, sort of. But then Edward says Carlisle's special power is compassion and Esme's power is love. Those aren't super powers. Those are words plucked from a Hallmark Movie Channel advertisement. And Rosalie's "power" is tenaciousness. Aquaman has better powers than this.

I picture Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie as a crimefighting team. When confronted with a bad situation, Carlisle shouts, "I'll use my compassion to stop the army of evil robots. Esme, use your power of love to free the prisoners, and Rosalie, use your stubbornness to thwart the mad doctor. Cullens attack!" And then all three are killed instantly.

There's some talk about where vampires came from, but no one really seems to know. Edward says vampirism might be caused by evolution, or perhaps God was involved.

Bella asks about sex, only she never uses the word. Edward tells her it would be dangerous because if he loses control, he would kill her instantly with his strength. Of course, since the word sex is never mentioned, and the act is only alluded to, Bella might have been asking if vampires can play Wii Boxing. Read the last two pages of this chapter with Wii Boxing in mind instead of sex and the conversation still makes sense.

Edward then hums a lullaby and Bella falls asleep.

Prediction:
Edward admits that along with sneaking into Bella's room at night, he's also been stealing hair from her hairbrush and using it to brush his teeth. And he's filled 19 notebooks with the sentence "I (heart) Bella Cullen 4-Ever." And he's been going through her trash and using her old tissues to make an altar where they can be married. Bella thinks all of this is terrific.

Want more Dan on Twilight? Here you go.

Topics: Books
Tags: twilight, blogging twilight, cartoons

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