Being rebellious used to be easier. For a short time in the 1950s, listening to Elvis made you look like a criminal and rock & roll was synonymous with witchcraft.
Shocking people is a lot harder now. Even if your parents are over 50 years old, they probably grew up around bands like Black Sabbath and the Sex Pistols. Rap music hasn’t scared anybody since the ‘90s and the Insane Clown Posse never did.
But don’t despair, Sparklers! We like a good music freak out as much as anyone, so we’ve scoured high and low and found a handful of bands and artists that can still peel the enamel from teeth (and impress the clerks at your local record store):
The trouble with a lot of metal bands is that for every one person who’s frightened by a band name like Cannibal Corpse or Cattle Decapitation there are at least five people who’ll just laugh at it. What you need is a band that’s intentionally funny as well as scary. Angry, sneering, and dripping in sarcasm, Future of the Left is that band.
Key tracks: “adeadenemyalwayssmellsgood,” “You Need Satan More Than He Needs You,” “Arming Eritrea”
Parents, aunts, and uncles sometimes complain about bands that “don’t sound like music.” Fans of Wolf Eyes might respond, “Yeah…and?”
Purveyors of “harsh noise” music, Wolf Eyes sounds like a migraine—or more descriptively, like a mix of static, heavy machinery and screaming. We’re not sure why people at their concerts jump around and dance—there isn’t really anything “fun” about this, but if any kind of music can melt your brain and cause nightmares, this is it.
Key tracks: “Stabbed in the Face,” “Human Animal”
“That’s okay, Grandma. We don’t have to listen to Wolf Eyes in the car. Why don’t we listen to some classical music?”
Providing most of the music for “The Shining” (maybe the scariest movie soundtrack in existence), Penderecki doesn’t make the kind of classical music you’re used to hearing in department stores. It’s more like the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard, in the best possible way. Make sure to check out “Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima”—it might be the most frightening piece of music of all time. And, best of all, it’s “classical music,” so no one can ever tell you to turn it down.
Think Wolf Eyes sounds like easy listening? Share your favorite terrifying music below, Sparklers.
Topics: Music, Celebs & Stuff
Tags: annoying things, songs
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