Back in the day, when a band did something explicitly for money, it was called “selling out.” No one was happy about it, except maybe the band members, who were then able to afford that week in Jamaica. But now that record sales bring in a lot less cash, artists have to find new ways to make ends meet. “Selling stuff,” as it is now known, is one of the easiest ways to raise a little capital.
Almost every major band or singer offers your standard array of t-shirts, ringtones, posters, and charm bracelets. But some intrepid musicians have branched out into merchandise that runs from downright shameless to just plain weird. However, we imagine that people actually are buying these items, so kudos to Britney for figuring out that her fans will drop $15 on a rhinestone-encrusted travel mug. We canvassed the Int3rw3bz to see what other unusual items bands are peddling.
Paramore Pencils | $3.00
Paramore is an alternative rock band that appeals to angst-ridden youth. And how do these youth vent their frustration while trapped in school? That’s right—by chewing on pencils. Really though, it's a truly brilliant marketing scheme: Pencils are designed to wear out over time, which means you’ll have to buy more if you want to keep writing (or chewing). Paramore pens are also available.
Josh Groban Beverage Helmet | $29.00
Yes, we’ve made fun of Josh Groban before, but this time he really deserves it. We don’t associate JG’s music with the beverage-helmet-wearing crowd, but if it’s anything like his music, maybe the headgear is specially designed to hold glasses of lukewarm tap water.
Lil Wayne iPhone App | $0.99
Most of you are probably too poor to afford any of the ornate necklaces, watches, and diamond teeth worn by Lil Wayne. Fortunately, there is an iPhone app that lets you live the dream. Just snap a picture of yourself and the app “equips you with a vast array of [Lil Wayne’s] personal bling and outfits to pimp yourself out.”
Lady Gaga Bubbles | $5.00
If people are paying five smackers for a bottle of bubbles, we have a bar of soap they also might find very appealing. It comes in a Ziploc bag with a little bit of water and the words "SparkNotes Super Fun Washing Device" written on the outside in marker. It costs $14.99 plus shipping.
Metallica Bar Stool | $119.00
Metallica Hockey Puck | $8.99
We are awed by the range of ridiculous merchandise that Metallica hawks on its site. The bar stool allows your posterior to make direct contact with the band’s logo. The hockey puck is just plain random, as there are no Metallica baseballs, footballs, or Frisbees for sale. Even a Metallica tennis racket would make more sense, considering Lars Ulrich’s dad was a tennis pro.
Flo Rida Facial Hair Training Session | $7,999
For just under eight grand, Miami R&B purveyor Flo Rida will come to your house over a period of seven weeks and teach you how to grow amazingly well-manicured facial hair in the shape of his home state. Ok, so we’re JKing on this one, but consider it a suggestion, Flo. The only thing we can buy on your website is your music.
What weird band merch do you own? Do you consider it selling out or just selling stuff?
Topics: Music, Celebs & Stuff
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