Custom corsage: check. Aggressive strategy for the pre-prom party circuit: check. A date who’s signed a legal document protecting you from excessive displays of affection: check. Now all you need is one magical melody so you and that lucky somebody can slow-dance the night away, hands on each other’s hips, bodies close but not so close that people stare, the night air still, the chaperones concealed in the shadows, a fine mist curling around the DJ booth, a weekend of misbehavior at your friend’s parents’ lake house flickering in the distance…
Whoops, sorry, got off track there. Where were we? Ah yes, the perfect prom song. While you may not have control over many of the things that can make or break your prom, you can help determine which tune gets the last spin of the night. All you have to do is convince (or bribe) Miss Popularity to appoint you as special music advisor to the prom committee, your chief responsibility being to compile songs that will resonate with your classmates. Alternately, if you and Miss Popularity have a dark past, this is your chance to sabotage her quest for Promfection™ by recommending music that totally kills the mood.
Here’s a quick reference guide so you can cover all the major prom song styles when making your suggestions:
The Sappy Cliché
Example: “Forever Young” by Rod Stewart
Why it works: Everyone knows it by heart.
Why it might not be the best choice: Although it sounds pretty good when Rod is belting it out, the song’s chorus is just not true; a more accurate refrain would be, “Temporarily young, so please make the best of it.”
The Classic Rock Anthem
Example: “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Why it works: Nine-minute length lets you work out the kinks in your slow-dance technique.
Why it might not be the best choice: It’s a break-up song that sounds best when blasted out of a boombox in the back of a pickup truck.
The Inappropriate R&B Jam
Example: “Your Body’s Callin’” by R. Kelly
Why it works: Great for bumpin’ and grindin’ and swayin’ and sweatin’.
Why it might not be the best choice: Your dancefloor moves may have chaperones intervenin’ and you spendin’ the rest of the year repentin’ in detention.
The Plain Vanilla
Example: “Love Story” by Taylor Swift
Why it works: Middle-of-the-road blandness won’t offend anyone.
Why it might not be the best choice: It won’t actually appeal to anyone, either.
The Hip-Hop Political Statement
Example: “Fight the Power” by Public Enemy
Why it works: Transforms your prom into a rebellion against everything that’s unjust in the world.
Why it might not be the best choice: No one has any idea what they’re fighting against.
The Power Ballad
Example: “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” by Poison
Why it works: Bittersweet lyrics nicely capture the mood at the end of the year.
Why it might not be the best choice: People can easily get confused by what the thorn represents. Does this mean your date is a thorn in your side? Or that the two of you are made for each other like roses and thorns? Hmmm.
The Wild Card
Example: “Do You Wanna Dance?” by the Ramones
Why it works: Upbeat tempo gets your blood flowing and makes for super-fun rug-cutting.
Why it might not be the best choice: If your date doesn’t wanna dance, the endless repetition of the chorus may drive you insane.
What’s your prom song this year? Do you wish the committee had consulted you?
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