No One Wants to Hear About It

Some topics of conversation are dull. Soporific. Plain old boring. No one is innocent: we all find ourselves talking about this snoozy stuff sometimes. But that doesn't make it right.

Sparklers, let's make a list of the items no one wants to hear about. Ever. Not at lunch. Not on Facebook. Not on Twitter. Not in the New York Times. Not any time. We'll start:

• How little you studied for the test, yet still got a good grade.
• Your sister's pregnancy/newborn babies.
• Your dad's job (Unless you dad is a spy, and even then, discuss sparingly).
• The building of your parents' new home.
• What kind of tattoo you're going to get.
• What your tattoo means.

• Anything about a car that you don't own.
• About the one time, five years ago at camp, when you ate a caterpillar on a dare.
• Your opinion on how great The Beatles were.
• Anything that includes the phrase, "But in this dream, it was, like, totally different..."
• The amount of sleep you got last night.
• Your thoughts on Mondays.
• Who you think is going to win…anything.
• How happy you are that a team won something.
• American Idol.
• The time you got pulled over for speeding and the cop just gave you a warning.
• Things your cat ate/tried to eat.
• The amount of money you got from dumping your spare change at a Coinstar machine or a TD Bank.
• Your thoughts on Donnie Darko.
• Complaints regarding the recent changes made to Facebook.
• How vinyl records sound better and warmer than digital music.
• Your thoughts on the Octomom.
• How cool it would be to be a storm chaser or parapsychologist.
• Any concert or party that took place more than three months ago.
• Your thoughts on the quality of clothing at Old Navy compared to The Gap.
• Any book series.
• Your headache.
• How your cousin flipped his car (unless you cousin is a spy, and even then, discuss sparingly).
• Countries you want to visit.
• Old girlfriends/boyfriends.
• The awesomeness of the BBC Documentary Series Planet Earth.
• Things your phone can do.
• Complaints regarding the lack of music on MTV.
• Why Macs are better than PCs, or vice versa.
• Shows on HBO or Showtime. (Some people don't have those channels, and you're just rubbing it in.)
• Gossip (unless you witnessed the event firsthand).
• The fact that stores put seasonal merchandise on display far in advance of the actual season.
• The lack of fairness a certain teacher exhibits regarding quizzes.

Your turn. Which topics are you sick of?