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Posts by valerie burn

Women Can Be Masters of the Universe, Too

By Valerie BurnAugust 27, 2014
You may have heard that a He-Man movie remake, Masters of the Universe, is in the works. The movie is among a long list of remakes of '80s and '90s cartoons that have popped up over the years, like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers, and Garfield (ugh). It will surely ... More  →
Women Can Be Masters of the Universe, Too

It's Official: School Starts Too Early

By Valerie BurnAugust 26, 2014
Today in This Is Not News-news: school starts too early. If you're anything like us, your daily routine looks something like this: 6:00: Alarm goes off 6:10, 6:20, 6:30: Alarm continues to go off 6:40: Get in the shower for 5 minutes 6:45: Fight with your hair for 10 ... More  →
It's Official: School Starts Too Early

Pizza Cats: They're Just Like Us

By Valerie BurnAugust 25, 2014
Pizza Hut Japan is no stranger to being seriously, ridiculously weird. In one sense, it's admirable. Who else would put hot dogs (?) and maybe corn (?) on a pizza, and then cover the whole thing in mayo? Or put those hot dogs right in ... More  →
Pizza Cats: They're Just Like Us

Why Do We Text and Drive? Because Parents Are Annoying

By Valerie BurnAugust 22, 2014
Blaming parents for your problems is easy. My decision to rock a bowlcut from ages seven through ten?? That's totally my mom's fault. My sneaker-incomptible second toe? Blame my dad. That whimsical time I mistook my oyster fork for my salad fork at a fancy ... More  →
Why Do We Text and Drive? Because Parents Are Annoying

BTW Our TXT Cover is Totally Blown, TTYN

By Valerie BurnAugust 19, 2014
Super legitimate and definitely up-to-date news source the Mail Online has us totally busted. The site recently published a list of "emerging list of new-age abbreviations," including incredibly new abbrevs (ABBVZ) such as LOL, OMG, and FYI, as well as the more subversive TGIF, ROFLMAO, ... More  →
BTW Our TXT Cover is Totally Blown, TTYN

Taylor Swift Goes Rogue With a New Video and a Live Stream

By Valerie BurnAugust 19, 2014
If you were on the internet yesterday, you might have felt the sonic boom as T. Swift dropped her awesome new single, "Shake It Off." She had been hinting about 8.18 on Instagram and elsewhere, so it's no Beyonce-style completely secret album, but it's still ... More  →
Taylor Swift Goes Rogue With a New Video and a Live Stream

A Legal Disclaimer for Dating Me

By Valerie BurnApril 21, 2014
CONFIDENTIAL AND PROPRIETARY Definitions "Disclaimant" shall mean the party disclaiming liability for all events which may occur during Dating Period; "Disclaimee" shall mean the party accepting Disclaimant's liability, also known as "Boyfriend" or "Potential Boyfriend" or "Friend with Benefits; "Dating Period" shall mean the term of the relationship between ... More  →
A Legal Disclaimer for Dating Me

Dear Dream School, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

By Valerie BurnApril 15, 2014
Dear Dream University, We've been through so much together. I remember the first time I heard about you—your quad, beautiful library, and various majors. It was love at first sight. And when I went to visit, I knew I had to have a sweatshirt with your ... More  →
Dear Dream School, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

If People Behaved Like Disney Characters, the World Would Be a Creepy Place

By Valerie BurnApril 15, 2014
Have you ever noticed how... creepy most Disney characters are? Take Ariel, for example. She has never even met Eric, and yet she's in love with him and spies on him all the time. Eric meets a perfect stranger—who doesn't seem to know how to ... More  →
If People Behaved Like Disney Characters, the World Would Be a Creepy Place
About the Author
Valerie Burn

Valerie Burn is a very cool Midwestern lady. She has lived in tons of exciting places, such as Wisconsin, Illinois, Minnesota, and Michigan. She spends her free time snuggling her beautiful, perfect dog Teddy, and reading the entire internet every day. Valerie enjoys eating things, buying things, and writing things, as well as watching terrible TV.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.