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Posts by robert isenberg

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Sleeping Positions on Planes

By Robert IsenbergJune 11, 2010
Long drives are tough, but long flights are just cruel. The limited leg room. The way the seat tilts back not... quite... far... enough. And every time you're about to nod off, there's the flight attendant with a microwaved side of beef and some soggy ... More  →
Sleeping Positions on Planes

What the Bugs Are Thinking

By Robert IsenbergJune 10, 2010
Bees: Hum, hum, hmmm... OOH! IT'S A PERSON! Let's hover near her ear, until she notices us. Hello? AHHH! SHE'S SWATTING! MAYDAY, MAYDAY! Whew, that was close. Okay, let's hover just a little farther away, so it looks like I'm leaving. Now she's relaxing... she's ... More  →
What the Bugs Are Thinking

How to Make Chocolate Chip Cookies from Scratch in 22 Easy Steps

By Robert IsenbergJune 9, 2010
Set up iPod dock in kitchen and turn on loudest, craziest, and screechiest playlist. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Since this is your friend's oven, struggle for 15 minutes to figure out how to do this. Mishandle bag and send clouds of flour all over the place. Drop ... More  →
How to Make Chocolate Chip Cookies from Scratch in 22 Easy Steps

New Energy Drinks

By Robert IsenbergJune 7, 2010
Tired of the same old energy drinks? We know the feeling. You open your cooler, and all you find is Monster, Monster, Monster, with a little Jolt thrown in. Consider this eye-popping alternatives: Shazzam: Feeling tired and mopey? No more! Shazzam is 92% caffeine and 106% ... More  →
New Energy Drinks

Hints That People Don't Like Your Friend

By Robert IsenbergJune 3, 2010
How do you know people don't like your friend? Oh, I don't know, how about the fact that... Your mom can never remember your friend's name. She even guesses. "Oh, is your friend... uh... Tasha coming over?" Your friend's name is not Tasha. It's Kate. Your Ddd ... More  →
Hints That People Don't Like Your Friend

Your Day, as Imagined by Your Dentist

By Robert IsenbergMay 25, 2010
6 a.m.: Wake. Rush to bathroom. Squeeze heavenly dollop of toothpaste onto your pristine Scepter of the Mouth, otherwise known as your "toothbrush." Brush using swirly motion. 6:15 a.m.: Floss. 6:30 a.m.: Eat a healthy, soft, low-sugar breakfast. Preferably some kind of oatmeal. Or gruel. ... More  →
Your Day, as Imagined by Your Dentist

Noncommittal Yearbook Signatures

By Robert IsenbergMay 21, 2010
"Have a great summer!" Have four other words ever said so little? If you write this in someone's yearbook, it's a safe bet that you are not now and never will be actual friends. Looking for more original notes for people you barely know? Something polite, but ... More  →
Noncommittal Yearbook Signatures

TGIF: Fitting Acronyms for Important Days

By Robert IsenbergMay 20, 2010
TGIF. Thank God It's Friday. The phrase is so popular, there's even a restaurant named after it. Rumor has it that a Cleveland disc jockey invented the acronym in the early 1970's. Is it true? Who cares! It's almost the weekend! But what would be fitting ... More  →
TGIF: Fitting Acronyms for Important Days

Stock Characters in the Public Library

By Robert IsenbergMay 7, 2010
Even in our digital age, some of us still love the old-fashioned public library. The dust. The dust jackets. The librarians always raising their wrinkly fingers to their lips. There's something about wandering in stacks of books that just feels right. And libraries are also great ... More  →
Stock Characters in the Public Library

More Dreams, Interpreted!

By Robert IsenbergApril 29, 2010
Remember way back in February, when we analyzed your dreams? We thought we'd covered every possible dream ever, but turns out NOPE. We didn't. Good thing we're experts at making stuff up Psycho Sleep Analysis Interpretationism. Here are more of your dreams, interpreted!: ... More  →
More Dreams, Interpreted!