Welcome to the OCTOBER HORROR-SCOPES, Aries. They are horrifying, of course, because Halloween (HOWL-O-WEEN?) is on the 31st of this month, which means that you must be on the lookout for meddlesome ghosts even more than usual. If you get lost this month, make sure it's More →
I love your column! I'm writing for some insight in boy psychology:
There is this family that is close friends with my family. Let's call them the Smiths. Mr. and Mrs. Smith spend a lot of time with my parents, and their daughter is one of ... More →
Dear Wise and All-Knowing Jono,
Do you prefer monkeys or pandas? Sorry, that's not really my question but I'm trying to be original (I would go on and on about how much I love your column but that would probably take up the entire page).
Neither. Gelationous ... More →
So I'm in a pretty funky situation, and by funky I mean actually funky because the object of my concern/affection and I literally danced to Gloria Gaynor last night.
Now I know that this problem isn't exactly original, but it's about my best friend, Ted ... More →
First off, I was wondering how long it takes for you to come up with funny stuff for your replies and drawings, because when I try to think of hilarious comebacks I just stand there and stammer. Second, this has nothing to do ... More →
There's this guy I like, and one day, out of the blue, he kissed me. Now, I assumed that was him trying to non verbally communicate that he liked me, but the next day he acted like nothing had ever ... More →
I’d go on and on about how utterly awesome your posts are but right now I’d like to seek your much-coveted wisdom on the workings of the male human mind.
So there’s this guy I like (surprise, surprise!) who for anonymity’s ... More →
You can never really be sure how someone will react to a romantic overture, Aries. After all, you can't tell the future, because if you could, you wouldn't be reading our horoscopes (unless you were doing opposition research for one of our competitor sites, SnarkNotes or Spo More →
So boys... I don't understand. I was in a relationship with one from the end of HS senior year and all the way through freshman year of college. Things were great—we had fun summer plans, I was happy, and I thought ... More →
Unfortunately this question does not involve any llamas. Very sorry. I can give you a picture of one if you like. [For the record, the LW's subject line promised a question involving llamas, so before you think "Well, LW, what you're doing ... More →