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Posts by jon_skindzier

December Holidayscopes!

By Jon_SkindzierDecember 5, 2016
If you can't decide what to get for somebody this year, Aries, remember: it's better to overthink a gift than it is to be attacked by a shark. Those are not usually the two binary options, but, well, you are going to have an exciting month. All eyes will be on you this mont More  →
December Holidayscopes!

November Horoscopes!

By Jon_SkindzierNovember 4, 2016
If you're working on NaNoWriMo this month, remember that short, simple words are often best, so if you have a thesaurus nearby, cross out "Thesaurus" and write "Other Words Book." Your lucky plot twist is that the butler did it, but your unlucky plot twist is that you have a More  →
November Horoscopes!

Your Perfect Halloween Costume, According to Your Astrological Sign

By Jon_SkindzierOctober 21, 2016
Aries, you are determined and confident, so you are well-suited to dressing up as the Bat-Man (that is, a traveling bat salesman). You may also dress as Power Girl or Spider-Man, but only if you work for the power company or are completely covered with spiders.  More  →
Your Perfect Halloween Costume, According to Your Astrological Sign

October Horoscopes!!

By Jon_SkindzierOctober 4, 2016
They say that blood is thicker than water, Aries, which explains what went wrong with your incredibly grisly fish tank. They also say that the proof of the pudding is in the eating, which excuses the failure of all your theoretical pudding proofs. In honor of Halloween, your More  →
October Horoscopes!!

What Should You Do on Your First Date?

By Jon_SkindzierOctober 3, 2016
Planning a first date is impossible. What are you even supposed to do, go to a French restaurant and eat an octopus? Should you wear makeup and a dress? Is there such a thing as an octopus fork? Can you instead just wait until your ... More  →
What Should You Do on Your First Date?

September Horoscopes!

By Jon_SkindzierSeptember 4, 2016
Sticks and stones may break your bones, Aries, but you can always grow more bones, with your blasphemous machinery! Don't actually tell anyone about this though. Your lucky stone this month is amethyst; your unlucky stone is regular stones. Your Courtesy Month tip is to alwa More  →
September Horoscopes!

August Back-To-School-o-Scopes!

By Jon_SkindzierAugust 9, 2016
The zodiacs predict that you will soon go back to school, Aries, and occasionally sideways to school, due to clumsiness. Watch out for DANGER this month, and also possibly for ANGER and MANGERS, because the zodiacs got chocolate smudges all over their mysterious prophecies. More  →
August Back-To-School-o-Scopes!

How to Survive the 8 Worst Types of Professors You Will Meet at College

By Jon_SkindzierAugust 3, 2016
The hardest thing about college is identifying the location of the butter, and also figuring out exactly what each professor wants from you so you can make it through their class with minimal panic blackouts. Here are eight of the most exasperating professors you'll run More  →
How to Survive the 8 Worst Types of Professors You Will Meet at College

Dating With Science: Are Guys Threatened By Smart Girls?

By Jon_SkindzierJuly 20, 2016
Welcome back to Dating With Science, in which we illuminate the mysteries of romance using only the finest peer-reviewed science, and, occasionally, the spare science we dig out from between the couch cushions. Today's topic: girl brains, and whether or not boys find them t More  →
Dating With Science: Are Guys Threatened By Smart Girls?

July Horoscopes!

By Jon_SkindzierJuly 5, 2016
Beware, Aries, for Venus is in retrograde, and Neptune is in, uh… foregrade. Mars is in… space, probably. (We have misplaced our astrology books.) In the interest of International Kissing Day, here is your International Kissing Tip: If you are unable to actually kiss the More  →
July Horoscopes!