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Posts by jon_skindzier

June Horoscopes!!

By Jon_SkindzierJune 2, 2016
They say there's more than one way to skin a cat, Aries, but if anyone actually does say that to you, then you probably shouldn't talk to him anymore. You have always been a very down-to-Earth person, mostly due to gravity. You very rarely float up into the stratosphere, and More  →
June Horoscopes!!

Turn Your Platonic Friendship into a ROMANTICAL ROMANCE in 5 Steps

By Jon_SkindzierMay 25, 2016
Falling for your friend is like falling down the stairs—it happens all at once, but also kind of in slow motion, and you are very confused, and then you wind up lying on the floor and weeping. Maybe it starts because you begin to notice some things. Was his smile always More  →
Turn Your Platonic Friendship into a ROMANTICAL ROMANCE in 5 Steps

Ask Jono: Am I Overthinking This Long-Distance Relationship?

By Jon_SkindzierMay 12, 2016
You can read all of Jono's advice right here! Once upon a time, there was a girl who met a boy online.  Six months later, they were still good friends.  She considered him one of her best friends and also realized that she could maybe kind ... More  →
Ask Jono: Am I Overthinking This Long-Distance Relationship?

Presenting...May Horoscopes!

By Jon_SkindzierMay 5, 2016
Your brain is the most important part of your body, Aries, but you can't exactly go out and get a brain massage, at least not from anyone who intends to keep you alive. That's what it's important not to let your stress and anxiety overwhelm you, and to instead have them whel More  →
Presenting...May Horoscopes!

5 Ways a Depressed Brain Lies to You

By Jon_SkindzierApril 27, 2016
Depression! Can't live with it, can't live without it. Well, you can, but not if you are a person who has depression. Its defining feature is that it never really goes anywhere. Depression is like being stuck with a terrible roommate who always ruins everything, except the r More  →
5 Ways Depression Lies to You (& How to Make It Stop)

April Fool's-o-Scopes

By Jon_SkindzierApril 1, 2016
If you ever miss the whimsy and wonder of being a child, Aries, you can take yourself back by having someone force you to eat gross green beans and then drawing a Batman that is terrible. You will realize this month that you have so many gifts you haven't even used yet, like More  →
April Fool's-o-Scopes

Four Elections Crazier Than This One

By Jon_SkindzierMarch 31, 2016
t's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that everything is terrible, in part because the news is always running headlines like "THE WORST: IS EVERYTHING THAT?" and "YES." It's especially easy to believe the worst about politics, given the circus-grade ridiculousness of More  →
Four Elections Crazier Than This One

March Late-oscopes

By Jon_SkindzierMarch 9, 2016
Curiosity killed the cat, Aries, but you are better than a cat; you have access to the internet, and you can ask it questions like "Should I chew on things I find under the couch?" and "Should I attack a baby coyote for no reason?" (According to Yahoo Answers, the answer is More  →
March Late-oscopes

February Horoscopes!

By Jon_SkindzierFebruary 10, 2016
Don't be afraid to speak your mind this month, Aries; instead, be afraid that the ice caps are melting and Earth will soon be an unlivable hellscape. Your creative romance idea for this month is to write a poem for your SO, like Donne's "The Flea" or Blake's "The Clod and t More  →
February Horoscopes!

These 8 Foods Would Make the Best SOs (YES, THAT IS THE ACTUAL TITLE OF THIS SLIDESHOW)

By Jon_SkindzierFebruary 4, 2016
Is the concept behind this slideshow completely ridiculous? ABSO-GOURDDAMN-LUTELY. But we here at SparkLife are committed to pushing the boundaries of investigative journalism (nope), and we will defend our choices TO THE DEATH. Now quit shaking your head in bemusement and c More  →
These 8 Foods Would Make the Best SOs (YES, THAT IS THE ACTUAL TITLE OF THIS SLIDESHOW)