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Posts by jason saenz

Going Through a Breakup? Use This Press Release to Let Everyone Know You're Single and Ready to Mingle

By Jason SaenzJanuary 20, 2015
Sometimes breakups are so painful that you want to shout from the rooftops when it's all over. To alert a mass audience to your new single status quickly, adapt and send out this simple press release. *** FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: [Name of Ex Boyfriend/Girlfriend] and I Have Broken ... More  →
Going Through a Breakup? Use This Press Release to Let Everyone Know You're Single and Ready to Mingle

The Top Ten Curses in Nerd History, Not Including the One That Made Ron Barf Slugs

By Jason SaenzJanuary 12, 2015
Skipped over at basketball tryouts? Spurned by that cute boy in psychology? Constantly retching up slugs on the turf at school? You might be the victim of an ancient curse! But before you can break the spell, you need to figure out exactly how your ... More  →
The Top Ten Curses in Nerd History, Not Including the One That Made Ron Barf Slugs
40 Predictions For 2015

40 Predictions For 2015

By Jason SaenzJanuary 4, 2015
2014 was crazy. We found water on Mars, Matthew McConaughey won all the awards and made no sense, Iggy Azalea pissed off Twitter, and Ariana Grande shrunk before our very eyes. With such a crazy year behind us, how can 2015 possibly top it? HO, NAIVE ... More  →

25 Nice Things to Say When You Hate the Present You Just Opened

By Jason SaenzDecember 25, 2014
We've all been there before. You think you're about to unwrap that sweet new Patagonia jacket, only to find 200 pairs of socks. IN THE SHAPE OF A JACKET. #WHY #why #y Don't worry. He's 25 things you can say when you find a big box of disappointment on ... More  →
25 Nice Things to Say When You Hate the Present You Just Opened

An Honest Letter to Santa

By Jason SaenzDecember 24, 2014
Dear Santa (or the idea of Santa), I know you do not exist. However, that will not stop me from expressing my deepest Christmas wishes to you via this letter. I think the "idea" of you is sound. You're a nice and jolly man, who lives ... More  →
An Honest Letter to Santa

A Helpful Guide to Handling Awkward Family Phonecalls

By Jason SaenzDecember 23, 2014
Sometimes you get lucky and escape having to see all of your family at once during the holidays. However, you can never escape a phone call. Don't want to say hello to your Second Great Aunt Once Removed who lives in Sweden and still thinks ... More  →
A Helpful Guide to Handling Awkward Family Phonecalls

The Best (and Creepiest) Family Christmas Traditions

By Jason SaenzDecember 22, 2014
Whether or not you're religious, Christmas is a magical time when parents are encouraged by society to commit bald-faced lies against their children, perpetuating the myth that a fat white man flies around on Christmas Eve distributing carefully chosen presents into the chimneys of those ... More  →
The Best (and Creepiest) Family Christmas Traditions

SparkMD: Types of Common Sweats

By Jason SaenzDecember 16, 2014
Your forehead is beading, your pulse is thumping, but why? Is it the noodle sweats? The candy sweats? Diagnose yourself below... Cold Sweats Cold sweats usually come on when a witch or "goblin" enters the room. You may not see it, but oh boy oh boy, you ... More  →
SparkMD: Types of Common Sweats

"Why Are You Crying?" Response Extender Pack

By Jason SaenzDecember 9, 2014
NO ONE BELIEVES YOU WHEN YOU SAY YOU HAVE BEEN CUTTING ONIONS. THEY SEE RIGHT THROUGH THAT RUSE TO YOUR SWOLLEN, PUFFY FACE. Try one of these excuses instead. My parrot just ate my homework. My parrot just ran off with my dog. My parrot keeps drawing pictures of ... More  →

How to Tell If They Like You BY PLAYING BINGO

By Jason SaenzDecember 8, 2014
If the love of your life giving you mixed signals (DO I MICROWAVE YOU WITH OR WITHOUT PUNCTURING THE PLASTIC WRAPPER?) and you need to find out if that specialest someone truly has eyes for you, or just for the color orange, YOU NEED TO ... More  →
How to Tell If They Like You BY PLAYING BINGO
About the Author
Jason Saenz

Jason Saenz is a writer in New York City. Follow him on Twitter @JasonSaenz!

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.