SparkNotes

We here at Spark Notes, swept up in the holiday fun, decided to count down our 100 favorite Thanksgiving movies.

100. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
99. Home for the Holidays
98. Um. Hmm. Let's see, did we mention Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? Yeah, we did, didn't we? There must be another Thanksgiving movie. Wasn't there a Thanksgiving movie with Tom Hanks, a volcano, and a slobbering dog? No, that doesn't sound right.

Chapter Three: Motives
Better Title: Jacob Black's Guide To Gettin' It Done

Jacob "The Thunder" Black rides again! And when he makes his triumphant return, not only does he mock Edward, but he parks his motorcycle on the school's sidewalk. Why? Because this warrior plays by his own rules, makes his own roads, and answers to no one. He is….Mr. Black. [Cue the howling of a wolf on a still winter's night.]

But before Jacob tells it like it is, I have two questions. First, how do Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme pass the time during the day? Do they simply wait around for Edward to have a problem?

Every school has the same, distinct odor. It doesn't matter if you attend a private high school in Wyoming, or a public middle school in Florida. They all smell alike. And within the school, each classroom has a special fragrance that all students will find familiar. Don't believe us? Calling us liars? Reading this with your arms crossed and a doubtful, cocky expression on your face? Well, try this on for size. Without even taking one step inside your high school, we can predict the aroma that is penetrating your senses. Behold!

From science class to German class, working in small groups is an inevitable part of high school. And unfortunately, group work can turn into Uncomfortable Silence Work.

The minutes after the teacher explains the assignment are the most dangerous. Unless someone breaks the ice, you won't get anything done. And the faster you speak up, the more likely the other group members will fear and respect you as their leader. (And then you can just delegate responsibility to the other group members as you sit back and eat crackers.) To get the conversation rolling, we offer up the following icebreakers. Say any of the following:

Dan's Twilight posts are collected on a handy-dandy index page.

Chapter Two: Evasion
Better Title: Edward Cullen's Guide to Controlling Your Woman

This is a joke, right? Edward must be kidding around. He's not honestly acting like an abusive boyfriend, is he? Chapter Three better begin with:

Edward screamed, "Gotcha! I was just messing around. Want to go to a movie? Or should we just hang out here and I'll breathe directly into your nose so you can smell my amazing mouth odor?"

I'm getting ahead of myself, but by chapter's end, if any young woman still thinks Edward Cullen is the bee's knees, then I feel very sorry for that young woman. It's shocking how awfully Edward treats Bella. And Bella's reaction is just as horrible. These two idiots deserve each other, and I'm glad that Jacob didn't end up with Bella. Besides, Jacob Black needs no woman. The earth is his mistress. The sky is his bride. He is…Mr. Black [cue thunderclap] (I could write Jacob intros all day!)

Saying that the cafeteria is only for eating is like saying that your bedroom is only for sleeping, or your underground secret prison is only for being an evil mastermind. The lunch room is more than just a place to chow down on industrial-grade food and prepackaged cupcakes. It is a room of mystery and wonder. In fact, the cafeteria is not about food at all. It's about life. And it needs a more accurate name. May we suggest:

There is no such thing as a perfect grading system (though we think a "Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down" system would be fun, like a movie review). Most students receive number grades or letter grades. We know that each school district has a different definition for a passing grade and failing grade, but today we'd like to focus on the middle score. The so-called "average" score. The C.

The C is a strange, abstract, anomaly. It can ruin your entire semester or help you pass a particularly difficult class. To some, a C means less-than-average. To others, it means more-than-failing, or just-as-good-as-an-A. Which type of C student are you?

Every year, stores seem to push their holiday merchandise earlier and earlier. We once joked about selling Christmas trees in September; now we must joke about selling them in August, and even that doesn't seem so far-fetched. This weekend, the new computer animated 3-D version of A Christmas Carol will open across the country, nearly two months ahead of the holiday.

With Christmas in the air, we wonder: Is promoting the holidays this far in advance a bad thing? We weigh the pros and cons.

We're halfway there!

For those just joining the fun, I'm reading the Twilight series for the first time, and writing about the experience on a chapter by chapter basis. Blogging Twilight and Blogging New Moon posts are collected here.

For this book, I'll be keeping a running tally of the number of times the author uses the words "glower" and "murmur."

Preface
Poor Bella Swan is once again in great peril, but luckily her "protector" is there to keep her safe in this flash-forward that is similar to the previous novels. I'll assume her protector is Edward, but I'm hoping that it's Emmett, Jacob, or a recently zombie-fied Harry Clearwater. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that Bella has not been transformed into a vampire yet, because why else would she act so weak? Of course, since becoming a vampire amplifies certain aspects of your personality, perhaps when she was transformed, her powers of weakness were boosted to the point where she cannot even yawn without breaking a rib. This section ends with, "Somewhere, far, far away in the cold forest, a wolf howled." Is there a chance that this book might be 100% awesome?

Happy November! We once again gaze into the future to bring you your monthly horoscopes.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
If you see a Gemini, run the other way! These people will bring you nothing but trouble, especially if they whistle. You will drink from someone else's cup during the first week of the month, and come down with a cold during the second week of the month. (You do the math.) Check your essay, because you need a comma in the second sentence. Someone who has the letter E in his/her last name really likes you. However, someone else, who also has the letter E in his/her last name, is just pretending to like you. Use a spoon more often than a fork, and true love will find you.