SparkNotes

Dear Dagger,

I'm not sure if this is going to be the kind of problem that you were expecting to be asked, but I am currently facing a problem of not having enough motivation to do my work in school anymore. I am a computer science major in my Freshman year. It's probably one of the hardest majors at the college that I go to. I started out the school year with all these plans and goals to work really hard and do well in college, but right now, I can't find the motivation to do any of my work. I find myself asking myself why am I doing all this work and I'm already slacking off way too much. What should I do??

Thanks,

Will

You guys always leave great comments, and last week was no exception. Coffinmaker wrote: “Good advice, Auntie Sparknotes, but now I'm curious about YOUR internet history.”

Well, that's a kind of personal question...but okay, I'll bite. I am opening my browser, I am clicking on history, and I am pleased to inform you that my last google search was for...

winston churchill darth vader

It's probably best not to ask why.

And now, this week's letter:

Today is the Friday the 13th. If you're superstitious, you should probably stay away from ladders, black cats, mirrors, and goalie masks. Unless you’re playing hockey, of course, in which case maybe you should go with the mask. Otherwise you might get a puck to the eye socket and the Friday the 13th curse would become all too real.

Speaking of things getting too real (killer segue, right?), when life gets too real for me, I like to take a step back and breathe for a second. Sometimes I even take off my goalie mask and think, "Wow, I can see a lot better without this thing on my face." Then I put it back on and step forward, back into the madness of existence. If you're ever feeling overwhelmed, don't be afraid to do take a step back. And not just on mysterious quasi-holidays, either. This technique should work just as well on Wednesday the 25th or Tuesday the 1st. Now, on to your fantastically real questions:

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
I was doing some homework on my dad's computer. I accidentally exited out of one of the browsers so I went into the history of the Internet to reopen it. In the history, I saw that there was a Google search for "site for cheaters." He had also been to a certain website. I researched it and it is a site that specifically caters to adulterers. My parents are still married. It doesn't seem like my dad goes on "business trips" or always "comes home late from work" as you would expect a cheater to do but I don't see what he does at the computer every night or even at work. I have no idea what to do. Should I tell my older sister? Should I confront my dad or tell my mom? I wish I could forget I ever saw it, but that seems impossible. Please help!
Sincerely,
The Girl with the (Cheating?) Dad

I know how upsetting this must be, but before you work yourself into a state, let's talk a little bit about the nature of internet searches. See, one of greatest things about the internet is that no matter what random question has popped into your head, you can google it.

This is the scenario. It is Friday night. It is your first week of college. It is 7:43 pm. You are alone in your dorm room, and you are some combination of the following:

nauseous

ever so lonesome

paralyzed by a sense of imminent doom

covered in gummy bears

dead

undead, zombie-style

winsomely attractive

incapable of doing a lot of really important s*@#

Batman

Hey Sparklers! Because I love your letters so much, starting today, I'll be answering two of 'em per week. So if you've been sitting on a particularly juicy problem, now's the time to get brave and write in. And now, this week's letter:

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
I have a problem. I have a really, really, really big problem. I was really worried about sending this to you, because I’m not sure you can help with my really, really, really big problem, but here it goes….A couple of years ago, when I was in something like grade 8, I met up with this group of people. We instantly connected, and have been friends ever since. However, last year, at the start of 9th grade, I came out to them. They were helpful and understanding and nice and loving and all that. The Problem is this: In the group, there is this guy I like, but he’s completely totally straight…

Hello again. Right now you may be thinking, "Didn't we just do this whole question-listen-answer thing a couple of days ago?" Well, let me reassure you that your brain is not deceiving you. Your computer is not trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Heck, you’re not even wearing a wool hat, or any other cranial accoutrement. We had so many fantastic questions this week, that we've decided to offer a double-dose of yours truly. So on we go, with no deception, no tricks, no wool pulled, onward!

This week's letter-writer thinks she can read my mind.

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
So I have a love problem (nothing new for you this time). I have been having this fling type of thing with this guy. We have been really close and I like him a lot. But that's all we are: just a fling type thing.

Now, suddenly, this guy that I have liked since my freshman year (I'm now a senior) is asking around about me. We sort of have a small history (not actually together at any point but just flirting and such) so I know him pretty well but I have no idea what to do. He could actually be a boyfriend type of person and I've liked him for a while.

I know most likely you'll say go for the boyfriend but I'm really not sure. Can you help me please?? Thanks in advance!

Well, obviously you should go for the boyf—wait, you knew I was going to say that? Are you in my head? Are you some kind of witch?! GET YOUR WITCH-TENTACLES OUT OF MY BRAIN.