Auntie SparkNotes: I'm In The Nosebleed Section of the Friend Zone

Auntie SparkNotes: I'm In The Nosebleed Section of the Friend Zone

Kat Rosenfield

Hey Auntie,

So this is a run-of-the-mill story, but it's pretty annoying as well. I'm a 17-year-old girl in my senior year of high school (also a 7th-year Ravenclaw at Hogwarts, but whatever.) So, there's this guy I'm into. He's kind, smart, hilarious, and really talented—he can play the guitar, can cook, etc. But the thing about him that I really admire is his compassion. He wears his heart on his sleeve. We're pretty good friends and have a really playful, fun dynamic, we sometimes walk home together after school, and he also wants me to come join his kickboxing class with him. Sounds great, right? Except that he has a girlfriend. I know her, and she's pretty demanding, but he's such a nice guy that he can't break her heart.

The worst part is, when he comes to class in the morning, I'm the one that points out if his hickeys are too prominent, and lend him concealer to cover them up. I'm literally in nosebleed section friend zone. I wanna tell him how I feel, but I don't want to end up losing our current relationship. What do I do?

For starters, sweet pea, you'll want to make sure your nosebleed seat in the friend zone isn't causing an obstruction to your view… or, um, cutting off the oxygen to your brain. Seeing this situation clearly is a necessary first step to resolving it—which is why, when you say that your crush is just such a nice guy that he can't break his girlfriend's heart by dumping her, Auntie SparkNotes is obliged by the Sacred Covenant of the Agony Aunt to dump cold water all over your head. Whatever you think of the guy's GF, you still have to assume that he's dating her not under duress, but because he likes her. If he didn't, he probably wouldn't be letting her attach herself to his neck like a remora every other night!

Of course, that doesn't mean you can't tell him how you feel, or even that telling him how you feel will necessarily torpedo your relationship. But it does mean that if you intend to tell him, you'll want to be prepared for the unfortunate likelihood that you have been friend-zoned for the obvious reason (he only likes you as a friend) and not the fantasy fairy-tale one (he secretly wants you, but is too much of a weenie to break up with his girlfriend, with whom he continues to suck face every night but only out of a sense of fear and duty).

So, here's where you ask yourself what you hope to accomplish by fessing up—and whether that potential reward is worth the risk. You say you don't want to lose out on your current relationship, but telling the guy you like him *will* change things. That's unavoidable. On the other hand, your current relationship is also inherently dissatisfying to you in one pretty fundamental way, not to mention predicated on the dishonest pretense that you're totally cool being just-friends, so... do you *really* want things to stay as they are? Are you sure? Think about it!

And then, having thought about it, you can choose a path—knowing that both paths come with risks, and you get no guarantees. You can confess your feelings, knowing that the guy is already dating someone else, understanding that awkwardness and rejection are potentially part of the bargain. Or, you can consider the odds of an awkward outcome vs. your desired one, decide it's not worth the risk, and take the necessary steps to make peace with your place in his life. It's up to you, and I can't tell you what to do. But whatever you choose, and whatever happens, you can be sure that your relationship will survive the fallout if it's meant to. Whether or not he likes you back, you guys can absolutely stay friends if you're both close and committed enough to work through the post-confession weirdness—or alternately, if you're committed enough to the friendship yourself to take a step back and work through getting over the crush on your own. And whether or not your outcome is disappointing or exciting or somewhere in between, you are strong and resilient, and you'll get through it just fine. Good luck!

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Topics: Life
Tags: auntie sparknotes, crushes, awkward situations, advice, jealousy, platonic relationships, friendzone, crush advice, getting friendzoned

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