It was Shakespeare who first said, “ONLINE DATING, UGH” and we couldn’t agree with him more. Looking for love on the latest apps has often left us shaking our fists at the sky, screaming, “A PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES, BUMBLE!”, and we suspect that even the suavest of Shakespeare’s creations would struggle to lock down an S.O if forced to contend with the godforsaken hellscape that is Tinder.
But just what would the bard’s most famous characters write on their profiles, if they bore the awful burden of trying to sell themselves to other star-crossed lovers? SO GLAD YOU ASKED. We took a stab at drafting their self-descriptions, and we encourage you to click through and steal a line or two for your own profile* (*do not do that, it is a terrible idea). A final tip: if you find yourself on an agonizingly awkward date, you can always shout “EXIT, PURSUED BY A BEAR!” and make a run for it. It's never not worked!* (*It has literally never, ever worked).
This slideshow was originally published in February 2017