Sorting the Characters from Pride and Prejudice into Hogwarts Houses
You can't have a conversation about Hogwarts houses without someone getting mad. You just can't. If you are going to go down the "Sorting fictional characters into Hogwarts houses" rabbit hole, then you had better come prepared to duke it out in a deathless war where no one wins.
With that in mind, I have taken it upon myself to Sort the characters from Pride and Prejudice. If you believe I have made an error in my assessment, I am perfectly willing to hear you out. Just know that our friendship will be ruined forever.
Elizabeth Bennet: Ravenclaw
The entire point of being a Ravenclaw is that you are clever—sometimes too clever for your own good. Elizabeth is an intelligent, impertinent woman who loves books and sometimes makes snap judgments. Therefore, she is a Ravenclaw if there ever was one.
Mr. Darcy: Slytherin
I am not even in the general vicinity of messing around with this one. Darcy is a Slytherin, and that is the way it must be. Perhaps you, like so many others, have fallen into the “all Slytherins are evil!” trap, but that is a false generalization. Slytherins are not evil. Slytherins are ambitious, resourceful, protective of those they care about, and sometimes arrogant, which perfectly suits the personality of Mr. Fitzwilliam “ELIZABETH I AM WILLING TO OVERLOOK YOUR TERRIBLE PERSONALITY AND EMBARRASSING FAMILY TO ALLOW YOU THE HONOR OF BEING MARRIED TO ME” Darcy.
Jane Bennet: Hufflepuff
Jane is mild-mannered, generous, and loyal, like a Labradoodle. To Sort her into any house but Hufflepuff would be a disservice to her character.
Charles Bingley: Hufflepuff
Bingley is, perhaps, the most Hufflepuff person ever to Hufflepuff. He is friendly, affectionate, eager to please, and loyal to those whose opinions he most values.
Mrs. Bennet: Slytherin
The lady Bennet is perhaps the most scheming, goal-oriented social climber in all of Meryton. She is often dismissed for being high-strung or ridiculous, but this is the woman who made Jane ride to Netherfield in the pouring rain and hoped she would contract any number of possibly life-threatening ills just so she could convalesce at Bingley’s estate and hopefully marry him on the morrow. AMBITIOUS, INDEED.
Mr. Bennet: Ravenclaw
Mr. Bennet is too busy reading books and making witty remarks to bother making credible financial decisions. Total Ravenclaw. Source: I myself am a Ravenclaw. I have zero American dollars in my bank account but plenty of books on my shelves.
Mr. Wickham: Slytherin
All Slytherins are not evil, and all evil people are not Slytherins. Mr. Wickham, however, just so happens to be both.
Caroline Bingley: Slytherin
Caroline Bingley is manipulative, conceited, and highly critical. She associates only with those she deems respectable, all Draco Malfoy-like. Though she aims to marry Darcy at the beginning of the novel, she is practical enough to recognize defeat once Darcy marries Elizabeth. She winds up making amends to Elizabeth to preserve her relationship with the powerful Darcy family, which is a classic Slytherin move.
Lydia Bennet: Gryffindor
What is a Gryffindor if not a loud, reckless romantic with zero impulse control? Lydia is brash, spoiled, fearless, and naive, which is how she gets schmoozed by the first morally deficient soldier she sees.
Mr. Collins: Gryffindor
Mr. Collins, while awkward, is also absurdly self-confident. In his mind, every dumb decision he makes is the right one, and he is a crusading do-gooder just looking for love instead of the feckless clown we all know him to be. It is this idiotic, unrelenting boldness that makes him a Gryffindor through and through.
Charlotte Lucas: Hufflepuff
Charlotte Lucas is no pushover. She has an iron will, and she gets what she wants not through POWER, PERSUASION, or CUNNING but through a sensible combination of PATIENCE, KINDNESS, and GARDEN-VARIETY PRAGMATISM. Love. Money. These are things that motivate most people. But Charlotte? Charlotte wants stability, and if she has to marry a moron to get it, you better believe she’ll use every ounce of level-headed practicality in her arsenal to snag that proposal. This is the Hufflepuff way.
Kitty Bennet: Hufflepuff
Though we have very little information to go on where Kitty is concerned, I am confident in this assessment. She is initially vapid, silly, and impressionable, but she ultimately makes an effort to do better.
Mary Bennet: Ravenclaw
Mary is proof positive that reading books does not a genius make. Though she prides herself on being studious, she lacks critical thinking skills and is mostly just really boring at parties.