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Classic Lit: Mansplained!

Classic Lit: Mansplained!

Wikicommons / SparkNotes

Actually, intros are the lowest form of art. Stendhal said that. Are you familiar with Stendhal?

 

Moby Dick

Have you heard of Infinite Jest? It's really a seminal book, but sometimes women have a harder time getting it. That's just something I've observed. Anyway, speaking of seminal, Moby Dick is about a man's quest to destroy a sperm whale. Or, I can see how you might think it's about that. A lot of people don't appreciate the deep layers of metaphor in Moby Dick. Most of the metaphors are for penises.

 

The Scarlet Letter

You know, historically, women actually bore the brunt of blame for affairs. It's hard to believe that we used to live in a society like that, but trust me, we did. The Scarlet Letter is about a woman who has an affair—a word which comes from the French l'affair—and is punished by society. But actually, the man that she's having the affair with ultimately receives the harsher punishment. From his conscience. Often, men punish themselves inwardly. Women can, too. But you know, society punishes women more than it punishes men. That's why I'm supporting Hillary in 2016.

 

To The Lighthouse

Actually, I understand this book better than Virginia Woolf did. It's about soup, and eating soup.

 

Great Expectations

Actually, the Wedding-Industrial Complex is a major theme in this novel. Have you heard of the Wedding-Industrial Complex? I've read headlines about it extensively, and I've come to the conclusion on my own that it's problematic.

 

The Importance of Being Earnest

Oscar Wilde was one of the great wits of his time. I'm not gay, but if I were, I bet I would have dated him. I'm not uncomfortable saying that. Oscar Wilde's quotes are perfect for Tinder profiles, so you can determine which girls are only pretending to be English majors. Excuse me, which women are only pretending to be English majors. This play is very humorous, if you can keep up with it.

 

The Bible

This book is very important, but to understand it, you have to go very far back in history. Luckily, I listen to many history podcasts and my roommate has a subscription to The Economist. The Bible has had many profound effects on political conflicts throughout history. Perhaps most importantly, it is the text on which all Judeo-Christian religious are based. Personally, I find religion to be something of an "opiate of the masses" if you will, but nevertheless, I personally believe that The Bible has great significance to society.

 

Don't worry if you didn't understand this piece. I have a very extensive collection of books and have seen many films.

[This post was originally published in June 2016.]

Topics: Books
Tags: the scarlet letter, feminism, the bible, great expectations, infinite jest, moby dick, mansplaining, to the lighthouse, let me blow your mind

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About the Author
Jessie Gaynor

Jessie is a Sparkitor and poet who has written fan letters to both Christian Slater and Queen Elizabeth. Thanks, she'd love an omelette right about now!

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