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The Top 25 Worst College Essay Topics

The Top 25 Worst College Essay Topics

Jon Skindzier

If getting into college is like applying for a job, and your grades are like your resume, then your college essay is like your cover letter—it showcases your personality, and it should not say anything about going to the bathroom, not ever. Here are some other topics you should not broach.

1. What's in a Name? Mostly Consonants and Vowels, I Suppose

2. How I Overcame the Adversity of Not Having an Essay Topic

3. One Thing I Wish I'd Known: The Police Already Had My Fingerprints

4. If I Were a Household Object, I'd Be: None Too Happy About It

5. What I Have Learned from Trying to Eat Fireworks ("Don't")

6. The Quote That Best Summarizes My Worldview: "Not So Fast, Galactus! It's Clobberin' Time! Arrgh"

7. The Title of My Autobiography Would Be: "The Boy Who Gave His College One Billion Dollars"

8. If I Were President, I Would: Allocate Your College One Billion Dollars

9. My Favorite Object Is: The Billion Dollars That I Will Give You

10. Kittens?? Yuck

11. The Best Advice I Ever Received: "Stop That, You Don't Know How to Fly a Helicopter!! Noooo"

12. My Favorite Teacher: That Beard Guy Who Showed Us Movies. Mister Something

13. My Favorite Time Period Is: The Year 3000 Because Everyone I Don't Like is Dead

14. What Diversity Means to Me Is: That People Are Constantly Forcing Me to Write About It

15. If I Could Meet Anyone, it Would Be: You, Essay Judges

16. If I Could Invent Anything, It Would Be: A Robot Who Does All My Homework So That I Never Have to Learn Anything Ever Again Because Reading Is For Losers

17. My Super-Power Would Be: Super-Strength So I Could Destroy My Enemies and PuNCH THEIR STUPID FACES AND Super Friendliness

18. My Greatest Hope Is That Nobody Will Find out What I Did

19. The Longest Moment Of My Life: It's This One. No Wait, This One. No, Hold On

20. The Most Hair I Ever Ate

21. The Adjective That Best Describes Me Is: Catlike, Because I Poop Where I Want and Don't Care What You Think

22. If I Could Be Any Animal, I'd Be: A Dinosaur That Has Been Admitted to College

23. The Worst Thing I've Ever Done? Probably This Essay, Let's Go Ahead and Find Out

24. The Place That Best Describes Me: A Big Gross Garbage Dump That Sucks and I Hate It

25. If My Dog Could Talk, Well, I Would Certainly Be in Some Trouble

What's the best BAD college essay topic you can come up with?

Topics: Life
Tags: college applications, college essays, applying to college, college admissions essays, sparknotes college, college essay topics, but we'd love to know how #11 plays out tbh

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