Aries (March 21 – April 19)
It's time to make a statement this month, Aries, such as "Yes" or "Maybe." In honor of Everything You Think Is Wrong Day (March 15th), let us clear up some common misconceptions for you; yours is that Twinkies do not actually have an indefinite shelf life. In fact, the moment you stop believing in a Twinkie, it vanishes. On Everything You Do Is Right Day (March 16th), you will lose your car keys, but will realize, upon reflection, that you never wanted car keys anyway.