40 More Literary Relationship Statuses They Should Definitely Have on Facebook

Relativity Media
Only a handful of people are actually “in a relationship.” The rest of us are stuck with “it’s complicated,” “friends with benefits,” or “single and destined to remain so in perpetuity.” Things are even more confusing when you’re fictional. You could be “in a relationship,” of course, but you could also be “in a love triangle with a vampire and a different, more dangerous vampire," and Facebook just isn't set up to accommodate those nuances.
We’ve talked about this once before, but back then we only covered like 2% of all the ways you can be in or out of a relationship in literature. So, in the spirit of that, we’re back with more.
Relationship status: waiting for Odysseus to return from the war
Relationship status: swearing off all men
Relationship status: laying down my life for someone I just met five minutes ago
Relationship status: juggling multiple gentleman callers
Relationship status: I am determined that only the deepest love will induce me into matrimony
Relationship status: obsessed with a wealthy southern socialite who will never reciprocate my feelings
Relationship status: in love with Rosaline
Relationship status: never mind, in love with Juliet
Relationship status: a lifelong spinster
Relationship status: focusing on me and my existential ennui right now
Relationship status: loving with a love that is more than love, I and my Annabel lee
Relationship status: friends with benefits (the benefits being a political alliance between Egypt and the Roman republic)
Relationship status: in a love triangle with the King of Sparta and a prince of Troy
Relationship status: all’s fair in love and war, and this is a bit of both
Relationship status: my mistress is the Republic
Relationship status: the couple that slays together, stays together
Relationship status: it’s complicated because she’s married to someone else but I keep conveniently forgetting about that
Relationship status: if I can’t have him, nobody can, and also I’m going to accuse this whole town of witchcraft
Relationship status: getting outsmarted by Irene Adler
Relationship status: I only exist to further someone else’s character development
Relationship status: in love with the man who murdered me
Relationship status: just stumbled upon a beautiful maiden in the middle of this quest
Relationship status: making meaningful eye contact across a crowded ballroom
Relationship status: comparing thee to a summer’s day
Relationship status: angry, and half in love with her, and tremendously sorry
Relationship status: anybody between fifteen and thirty may have me for asking
Relationship status: spending one-third of each year in the Underworld
Relationship status: dating around, keeping it casual, not letting anyone get close enough to see the cursed portrait in my attic that’s a manifestation of my inner rotting soul
Relationship status: mutual angst
Relationship status: in a battle to the death with the love of my life
Relationship status: breaking up for some stupid, noble reason
Relationship status: I’m so single that I’m seducing the girl I love for somebody else
Relationship status: courting a beautiful widow (full disclosure: I’m the one who killed her husband) (I also killed her father)
Relationship status: road tripping with Dean Moriarty
Relationship status: half agony, half hope
Relationship status: in an on-again, off-again relationship with Zeus
Relationship status: Zeus turned me into a cow and then gave me to his wife
Relationship status: Zeus himself turned into a cow and then kidnapped me into the sea
Relationship status: hiring a prostitute just to talk about life
Relationship status: romantic relationships have been eradicated by the World State
Topics: Books
Tags: harry potter, romeo and juliet, romance, books we love, pride and prejudice, classic literature, social media, facebook statuses, funny lists, characters we love, relationship status: making meaningful eye contact across a crowded ballroom
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