40 More Literary Relationship Statuses They Should Definitely Have on Facebook

Only a handful of people are actually “in a relationship.” The rest of us are stuck with “it’s complicated,” “friends with benefits,” or “single and destined to remain so in perpetuity.” Things are even more confusing when you’re fictional. You could be “in a relationship,” of course, but you could also be “in a love triangle with a vampire and a different, more dangerous vampire," and Facebook just isn't set up to accommodate those nuances.

We’ve talked about this once before, but back then we only covered like 2% of all the ways you can be in or out of a relationship in literature. So, in the spirit of that, we’re back with more.

Relationship status: waiting for Odysseus to return from the war

Relationship status: swearing off all men

Relationship status: laying down my life for someone I just met five minutes ago

Relationship status: juggling multiple gentleman callers

Relationship status: I am determined that only the deepest love will induce me into matrimony

Relationship status: obsessed with a wealthy southern socialite who will never reciprocate my feelings

Relationship status: in love with Rosaline

Relationship status: never mind, in love with Juliet

Relationship status: a lifelong spinster

Relationship status: focusing on me and my existential ennui right now

Relationship status: loving with a love that is more than love, I and my Annabel lee

Relationship status: friends with benefits (the benefits being a political alliance between Egypt and the Roman republic)

Relationship status: in a love triangle with the King of Sparta and a prince of Troy

Relationship status: all’s fair in love and war, and this is a bit of both

Relationship status: my mistress is the Republic

Relationship status: the couple that slays together, stays together

Relationship status: it’s complicated because she’s married to someone else but I keep conveniently forgetting about that

Relationship status: if I can’t have him, nobody can, and also I’m going to accuse this whole town of witchcraft

Relationship status: getting outsmarted by Irene Adler

Relationship status: I only exist to further someone else’s character development

Relationship status: in love with the man who murdered me

Relationship status: just stumbled upon a beautiful maiden in the middle of this quest

Relationship status: making meaningful eye contact across a crowded ballroom

Relationship status: comparing thee to a summer’s day

Relationship status: angry, and half in love with her, and tremendously sorry

Relationship status: anybody between fifteen and thirty may have me for asking

Relationship status: spending one-third of each year in the Underworld

Relationship status: dating around, keeping it casual, not letting anyone get close enough to see the cursed portrait in my attic that’s a manifestation of my inner rotting soul

Relationship status: mutual angst

Relationship status: in a battle to the death with the love of my life

Relationship status: breaking up for some stupid, noble reason

Relationship status: I’m so single that I’m seducing the girl I love for somebody else

Relationship status: courting a beautiful widow (full disclosure: I’m the one who killed her husband) (I also killed her father)

Relationship status: road tripping with Dean Moriarty

Relationship status: half agony, half hope

Relationship status: in an on-again, off-again relationship with Zeus

Relationship status: Zeus turned me into a cow and then gave me to his wife

Relationship status: Zeus himself turned into a cow and then kidnapped me into the sea

Relationship status: hiring a prostitute just to talk about life

Relationship status: romantic relationships have been eradicated by the World State