How to Wait for Your First Kiss
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If you find yourself the absolute last person on Earth who hasn't been kissed yet, you have two options:
1. Go out and kiss the first non-cyborg you meet. This is the Band-Aid approach, because you are tearing your NBK status "right off." It might hurt, it might be awful, but it will be over quick. This is, IMO, not the best approach.
2. Savor your NBKness. Enjoy the wait. Get yourself some edible lip gloss and just go round and round and round your mouth until you find yourself on a deserted beach with Ryan Gosling.
I am fully aware that option #2 seems unappealing. But here's a nugget of Pink Lemonade Lipsmacker truth for you: Until you have your first kiss, there is every chance it will turn out to be an epic tonsil tickler between you and Cedric Diggory. After you've been kissed, you may be faced with a reality a little less crushy. Whether you get kissed the first day of high school or the last day of college, there are a bazillion reasons to enjoy the wait. Really!
Your first kiss is like Schrodinger's cat. Schrodinger's cat is the theory by which a cat, shut into a box with poison and a radioactive substance in a flask, is both alive and dead until you open the box to find out if the cat alive or dead. That is to say, until you find out 100% for sure what your first kiss is like (_dead fish, a slap from a ghost, butterflies, a mouthful of durian, spider eggs, roses, chocolate_), it can be anything and everything.
Until you remove the possibility that your first kiss will be _with Richard Madden at midnight_ by actually having your first kiss, it WILL BE with Richard Madden at midnight, and also with Ben Barnes at sunset, because these absolutes have not been proved wrong. (Given the chance for a do-over, my first kiss would be with Theo James while ziplining off a mountain top into a pile of marshmallows. Had I not already been kissed, this would be completely within the realm of possibility. THANK YOU, SCHRODINGER.)
There's also something dreamy, thrilling, and (sure) barfy about imagining getting together with someone when you're still suspended on the pinky-purple clouds of maybe. Wasting weeks of math classes daydreaming about someone, not knowing if they like you back or what will happen, is often better than finding out they kind of like you and they kiss like an Oral-B electric. If you have a great and powerful imagination, this is more so; if the only thing that pops into your head when I say "happy place" is a barren wasteland with a single folding chair or a bee flying in a circle forever, reality might trump your imagination, in which case, go, be surprised!
The lesson here is: take your time and enjoy the ride. This lesson can also be applied to creme brulee, but honestly good luck taking your time.
During the longest shortest time of being NBK, you will have a small infinity within which to conjure negative thoughts about yourself, your kissing power, your lovability, and your lip shape. It will be very easy to make wild, depressing prognostications about your love life like, "Seeing as I have been eligible for kissing for two years and haven't been kissed, I'm going to have to move to a colony for people who have never been kissed, where the most fun anyone has is playing bingo and arguing the pros and cons of Batman's nipples."
ALL IS NOT LOST.
Even if your friends started pocketing kisses back in grade seven and you're now in grade twelve, that's only five years of possible kiss-time out of what will be probably 85 years of kiss-time. It's a very small sample of kiss-time and not statistically representative of your future kissableness. If you're NBK, know that you are lovable, and you're good-looking, and someone is going to want to kiss those lips.
You might find out you're the type of person who is doomed (or blessed) to love the thrill of the chase, in which case things get a lot trickier after mutual interest and kissing intent is established. Personally, my brain just wasn't switched into relationship mode until after high school, so I spent my blossoming years suffered bone-crushing obsessions with various guys in class that evaporated THE SECOND the guy showed any interest back. Figuring out what you want in a relationship is fuzzy, tricky business, and high school is a great place to practice navigating relationships, or enjoying life while the pressure is off. You might be keen to get to Dating Level Two: The Serious Relationship, but honestly, you'll be bogged down in that stuff soon enough; enjoy the lightness of beginner flirtation while you can!
So, practice. You're wondering if this great time out from the kissing game would be best spent making out with a Theo James cutout, or inflatable set of Josh Hutcherson lips. I get the logic behind it: Batman spent his time in that cave doing pushups so he could one day CLIMB OUT OF THAT CAVE. But honestly it's unnecessary. Here's what your first ten terrible kisses will teach you:
- Use less tongue.
- Keep it a little less wet.
- Try a bit softer.
- Ehhhhhh, just watch Cruel Intentions. That thing is a kissing masterclass.
I just saved you three years of turrible makeouts.
Try and believe me: You will be kissed at some point, and it might be great and it might be terrible, but ONE DAY you are going to kissed by someone worthwhile and smexy and it will be Actually Good.™ Until then, try and enjoy the wait, sunshine. :)
AM I RIGHT? DO I SPEAK THE TRUTH?