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Your Essential Pre-College Bucket List

Your Essential Pre-College Bucket List

Tomas Laurinavicius

You’ve graduated high school, and you're free for the next couple months, until you start COLLEGE—a festive educational milestone that will kick off with a grand ceremony in which thousands of dollars evaporate before your very eyes.

So how do you seize the day, pre-frosh? What are the things you will never have the chance to do again, after you’re changed by college?

1. Spend Quality Time With Your Parents Without Getting Into a Political Argument

This summer is the best time to kick back and enjoy a good old barbecue with the ‘rents before you ship out. They’re going to miss you more than you missed your hamster Caramel after he died of heat exhaustion in that sweltering summer of ‘07. At college, you’re probably going to take at least one humanities course where you learn a bunch of stuff they didn’t teach your social studies class in high school. Then you’re going to think you’re really really smart. Your parents are going to notice this newfound worldview, and they’ll be happy to see you at Thanksgiving, but they’re going to miss the old you—their baby child, the scrappy teenager who didn’t rail against the military industrial complex, and didn’t refer to the great American experiment as a “bold-faced lie.” So, make sure you get some good parent time in, because it just won’t be the same when you move back in after you graduate in four years.

2. Play a Game of Man-Hunt

It’s unfortunate, but once college starts, half of all your friends will all of a sudden refuse to play any games that aren't “flip cup.” So get in a few rounds of awesome kid games before you and your pals lose your innocence and spontaneity.

3. Make a Prank Phonecall

Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Well, you’d better let him out before you turn 18, because prank calls are maybe the lamest thing you can do as an adult, unless of course you’re the The Jerky Boys. If you’re The Jerky Boys, I mean, fine go ahead, but if you’re not, it’s likely you’re not being funny at all and just making fun of some poor old woman at the local community center who volunteers on Thursdays to get away from her annoying teenage grandson.

4. Drive a Car With No Shirt On

There’s nothing like feeling a seat belt right against your elastic young skin. It’s the perfect way to tell the world, “Don’t hate me because I have my whole life ahead of me.” You’ll still look good doing this for years to come, but it won’t feel like as big a statement once you realize nobody really cares that much either way.

5. Disney Channel

It's now or never to catch all your favs (and don't forget about Disney Radio!).

6. Enjoy the All-Night Food Hall That Is Your Parents' Cupboards

Three months from now, your "kitchen" will be one box of granola bars and a piddling stash of string cheese. ENJOY THE AMENITIES WHILE YE CAN. (This goes for the bathroom, too. Luxuriate in that fancy shampoo, soldiers, for you will soon be washing your hair with cap-fuls of stolen Herbal Essences, because your roommate has a shampoo trust-fund.)

7. Stop By Your High School At Night

Just ride your bike around it, and take a good look at the place. You still feel like you own it, like it’s yours. Maybe that makes you feel like a straight up baller, maybe it makes you want to throw a rock at the flagpole in disgust—either way, those feelings will be gone very soon. You’re going to stumble on a lot of other things that define you—you’ll pick a major, you’ll discover that Pilates are not just for moms, you’ll meet people who celebrate National Talk Like a Pirate Day—and the next time you see your high school, it’ll look a lot more like just a building, and less like your personal World Heritage Site.

8. Go to the Dentist

The next time you will go is in 2018.

9. Make Out With That Person Who Lives Down the Block

Ride your bikes to Inspiration Point and just kiss them. KISS THEM!

College Sparklers: What did we miss?

 

Topics: Life, Advice
Tags: summer, bucket lists, yolo, the dentist, going off to college, the tiny poli-sci student in all of us

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About the Author
Tom Lisi

Tom is a writer and comedian from Long Island, NY, Duh! You didn't know that?! You can follow him on Twitter @tommylisi, nuh-duh!!!

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