Aries (March 21 – April 19)
They say that God never closes a door without opening a window, Aries, but explaining this to your dog when locking him in the car is not an effective consolation. This would be a good month to check in on some old friends, because because many of them need help opening jars or chasing kids off their lawns. Your little-known fact is that celery does not actually contain negative calories, only negative deliciousness. Your lucky collective noun is "a scurry of squirrels."