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Why We Need To Bring Back Gold Stars in High School

Why We Need To Bring Back Gold Stars in High School

By Andrew Tavin

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You're probably turning in those final papers and starting to get ready for summer. You probably feel a great sense of relief. The sense of accomplishment you feel in yourself is all the reward you'll ever need... but it'd be nice to get something more, which is why we present: The top five reasons they should bring back gold stars in high school!

1.. Elementary School Kids Don't Need the Affirmation

Why are they wasting all of these gold stars on little kids? Oh, I'm sorry, did you want a pat on the back because you can do single-digit arithmetic in between recess? You want a sticker for memorizing four letter vocabulary words? How about you save those shiny treasures for people who actually deserve it, like high school students who have to write papers on the impact of the Russian Revolution on literature or geometric proofs (shudder).

2. Letter Grades Are Boring

Did you notice anything about this sentence? Yep, it's actually really boring. And why is that sentence and the sentence after, and heck, even this current sentence so boring? Because they're made from letters, and letters are completely uninteresting. Now, just imagine that instead of letters, this sentence was written in gold stars. A lot more interesting, eh?  I think we've proved our point.♣

3. High School Kids Need Better Self-Esteem

Did you know that 94% of high school kids suffer from low self-esteem? Well, we just made that statistic up, but it's probably way too low. High school kids are dealing with pressure from their parents, the media, their peers, conflicting ethical and moral frameworks, and their pets (mostly pressure for additional treats and cuddles). If anyone needs a shiny star or a great big sticker that says "you did it!" it's high school students.

4. It Would Make The College Application Process Easier

If you want to apply for college, you have to go through a grueling process. They require you to detail your GPA, extracurricular activities, SAT or ACT scores, social security number, blood type, favorite ice cream flavor, deepest darkest secret, most embarrassing moment, dream wedding location, crush's name, and how often you pick your nose when you think no one is watching. Now, imagine how much simpler the process would be if the whole application was just one question: how many gold stars did you earn in high school (and also probably what's your address or whatever)?

5. It Would be a Great Shot in the Arm for the Sticker Industry

The American economy has been lagging in recent years, and I think we all know why. It's because of all the lost jobs in the gold star industry. Just imagine what a great stimulus it would be if we brought gold stars to high school. They could open up all the shuttered gold star mines. The gold star refineries that had closed their doors could open up and gold dust could fill the air again. It's no secret that Minneapolis was built on the back of gold sticker industry. With the demand for gold stickers raised, we could have a hundred Minneapolises (Minneapoli?)!

Do you want to see gold stars brought to high school? Petition with us in the comments!

Topics: Life
Tags: high school, school, motivation, arguments, hear ye, today is the first day of the rest of our gold starred lives, rewards

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About the Author
Andrew Tavin

Andrew Tavin is a writer and stand-up comedian living in New York City. His work has been featured on Upworthy and Collegehumor. He writes pretty mediocre bios and can be followed on Twitter @andrewtavin.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.