SPARKLEBUTTS, THIS IS NOT A DRILL: YOU Could Be the Next SPARKLIFE INTERN!
PAY CLOSE ATTENTION, BUTTS, for your whole life's happiness rests on how you answer the following three questions:
1. Do you live in (or within commuting distance to) New York City?
2. Are you a smart, social media-savvy, super-organized college student (or post-grad) who is borderline obsessed with SparkLife?
3. Have you always dreamt of spending your days catering to the Sparkitors' every wit and whim? (WE DEMAND ICE CREAM SUNDAES AND WE DEMAND THEM MICROWAVED.)
If you responded to the above by doing a victory hip-thrust, high-fiving your life-size Harry Potter cardboard cutout, and shouting the word "YES" at ear-splitting volume, then YOU MIGHT JUST BE OUR NEXT INTERN.
For the last 3 years, we've had the privilege and the pleasure of working with the most magnificent intern ever to intern, Jenny Grudziecki. Unfortunately, she and our latest, greatest intern Abbey Clarke will be leaving in May, and so we have set about the impossible task of trying to fill their genius shoes. AND THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN.
As our intern, you'd be in charge of:
-Putting together weekly "blog stats" using Google Analytics
Oh, and one more thing: this internship is PAID. In ACTUAL MONIES. (I lobbied for the salary to consist of Cheez-its and autographed copies of my headshot, but unfortunately you shall be receiving dolla-dolla billz instead. LAME.)
We can't wait to hear from all you awesome potential interns out there! And in the meantime: JENNY AND ABBEY, I'M GONNA NEED SOME LUKEWARM ICE CREAM, STAT.
ISN'T THIS EXCITING AND/OR TERRIFYING?! Are you going to apply to be our next intern? Do you have any questions? Do you realize that if you do become our next intern, I shall bestow upon you an OFFICIAL NICKNAME?? (Jenny's is "Jenpen" and Abbey's is "Shawshank." It's a long story.) GET CRACKIN' ON THOSE APPLICATIONS, BUTTS, THE DEADLINE IS MAY 5!