A Legal Disclaimer for Dating Me
CONFIDENTIAL AND PROPRIETARY
- "Disclaimant" shall mean the party disclaiming liability for all events which may occur during Dating Period;
- "Disclaimee" shall mean the party accepting Disclaimant's liability, also known as "Boyfriend" or "Potential Boyfriend" or "Friend with Benefits;
- "Dating Period" shall mean the term of the relationship between Disclaimant and Disclaimee, from the date of this Agreement until the relationship is terminated by either party, with or without cause;
- "Agreement" shall mean this agreement and all attached appendices, exhibits, and schedules;
- "Parties" shall mean the Disclaimant and Disclaimee, collectively.
Any term not defined in this Agreement shall be construed in the light most favorable to Disclaimant.
Whereas Disclaimant (Valerie Burn) and Disclaimee (potential boyfriend) agree as follows:
Section 1: Waiver of Liability for Actions Completed During Dating Period
Disclaimee releases Disclaimant from all liability arising out of, or in the course of, actions completed during and after the Dating Period. Such actions may include, but are not limited to:
- Reading Disclaimee's text messages over Disclaimee's shoulder;
- Continual reassurance that Disclaimant can pull off purple denim; and
- Pretending to not notice that Disclaimee continues to have the Tinder application on Disclaimee's phone, but really being mad, and taking it out on Disclaimee later, by flirting with that barista, passive aggressively.
Such actions are listed for illustrative purposes only, and are not intended to be limiting or interpreting the Agreement in any way.
Section 2: Statement of Work to be Completed During Dating Period
Notwithstanding the waiver of liability described in Section 1 ("Waiver of Liability for Actions Completed During Dating Period"), the Parties understand that the Agreement contains certain obligations of both Parties, including, but not limited to:
- Disclaimant shall be invited to every event Disclaimee is invited to throughout the Dating Period, but Disclaimant has no obligation whatsoever to actually attend;
- Disclaimee shall make an honest ("good faith") effort to become friends with Disclaimant's friends;
- Disclaimee shall post on Disclaimant's Facebook timeline at least once per week, not to exceeding more than one post every two (2) days;
- Disclaimee shall not tag any unflattering photo of Disclaimant on Facebook or other social media, nor shall Disclaimee post any photo of Disclaimant without prior written approval from Disclaimant; and
- In the event of a disagreement as to the terms of this Agreement, or any other disagreement between the Parties, the disagreement shall be mediated and decided by a mediator of Disclaimant's choosing, and the Parties shall be bound by such mediator's decision.
Section 3: Termination of the Dating Period
At the termination of the Dating Period and for a period of twelve (12) months thereafter, the Parties shall be bound by the following covenants:
- Disclaimee shall reject any known advances by other potential third parties, unless Disclaimee has received written permission from Disclaimant, in which case Disclaimee shall never compare Disclaimant and the third party;
- Disclaimee shall not divulge any confidential information of Disclaimant, including, but not limited to: instances in which Disclaimant cried, instances in which Disclaimant was irrational, instances in which Disclaimant was sweating, instances in which Disclaimant ate too much and requested a belly rub, and/or the sexual or bodily capabilities or descriptions of Disclaimant;
- Notwithstanding the provisions above, Disclaimee hereby waives all storytelling regarding the relationship, copyright, patents, titles and/or licenses arising out of, or originating within, the Dating Period; and
- Disclaimee shall make an honest ("good faith") effort to remain friends with Disclaimant, even if Disclaimant is like "not now."
- Disclaimant shall not be bound by any such future covenants or obligations.
The Parties acknowledge that this Agreement was entered into without undue coercion and with proper consideration. Each Party represents and covenants that it shall make all commercially reasonable efforts to uphold this Agreement.
Valerie Burn ("Disclaimant")
What would you stipulate in your dating disclaimer?!