Open Letter: To My Sister
I was the shadows, the one no one saw as they were draw to you like moths to the flame. You, who turned into oxygen for people, something they couldn't live without, while I faded from their minds as if I never existed.
You were the beautiful, the funny, the smart, the one who was loved and envied for being yourself. And when I was remembered, I was always asked 'What’s she like at home? Your so lucky with her as a sister.'
Being your sister...its not great. I spent so much of my life comparing myself to you, knowing I wasn’t as pretty, as tall, as outgoing, that I forgot who I was- I forgot my positives and your negatives.
I spent so long looking to be like you, that I didn't realise that world didn't need two of the same, they needed different.
You see, it wasn't just that others looked to you that make me hate who I was- you did.
All your little comments
“You might look better with make up...”
“You look fat again. You need to loose weight”
“Maybe guys would like you if your were less of a freak”
“You realise you look stupid when you sit and read, right?”
You see, this was the other side, the side of the flame that your friends did not see. Fire is beautiful, but fire burns. You knew that I did not like who I was, and you used that against me, making sure I knew that you were the perfect daughter, the loved one...and that I was just the afterthought.
And that was all I was. I made friends- but the second they saw you, they left my side to join yours. That little smile you showed me...you knew exactly what you were doing.
But then I realised something.
With you, people were toys. You used them, and then ignored them when you had finished. The people you stole from me? I was the one that picked them up when you had finished with them. The people you were loyal to you for years, the ones you threw away the second they questioned you, I was the one that they came too for help.
You were like the sun, bright and beautiful, but dangerous to get close to, but I was the moon, I glowed quietly in your light, always there but not always seen, reachable only when people were ready.
Suddenly, I did not want to be you. I did not compare myself to you.
For you....you see yourself as perfect, which is why you are the way you are
but I see myself as imperfect, and I would not change that for the world.
I am not a shadow. I am myself. I am the quiet one, the one that does not understand love, but understands friendship and loyalty over everything.
I am the one that does not care what people thinks- because I am happy with who I am, even if you are not.
So next time you look at me and think to insult, ask yourself this, sister, why do you have the need to put me down?
Because every time you try...I just love who I am even more.
Originally published on April 3, 2014.